I've Got It Bad (And You'll Never Know) (BXB)

vi.

 Lenny nearly choked on his five dollar footlong. "You fuckin' what?"

Julian put his hands out in a defensive stance. "I know, it was stupid, it was a heat of the moment decision, I just saw him sitting there, pissed at me, havin' no idea--"

"And wasted out of his mind!"

"Yeah, I know--"

"What the fuck were you tryin' to do? What the hell did you think he'd say?"

Jules bit his lip. "I don't know."

Lenny whacked the back of his head with the butt of his sandwich. "Oh, please, 'I don't know' my ass! You wanted him to say 'fuck, Julian, I had no idea you felt that way-- you're perfect for me! Forget Joey whats-his-face! Let's get married!'"

"Alright, you don't have to make fun of me-- and that's not what his voice sounds like, asshole. You can't raise the pitch of your voice just 'cause he's gay and call that an impression."

"Oh, believe me, I don't impersonate every gay dude the same-- for instance, if I need to quote you, I make myself sound like a fuckin' imbecile."

"Alright! You made your point! I get it!"

Lenny took a generous bite of his sub. "Good. Jesus Christ."

The two stood in silence on the pier, staring into the choppy winter waters. Lenny had one track-pant-clad leg bent, leaning on the railing, letting stray bits of sandwich fall to the ocean every so often.

After popping the last bite of footlong between his lips, he cleared his throat. "Well, I'm real sorry I let you take him to that hockey game, dude."

"Man, shut up, you had the fuckin' plague."

"Can I tell you some real shit for a second?"

Julian glanced at his ginger friend quizzically. "Sure, man. Always."

"I wasn't really sick."

Jules grabbed a windbreaker-covered shoulder. "The fuck you mean you weren't--"

"Hear me out!" Lenny pushed Jules back, eyes wild. "You ain't heard my reasons yet!"

Julian stepped away. "Okay. Spit it out."

"Alright! Jesus." Lenny straightened his jacket. "So, basically, I knew you'd been feelin' Max for a bit."

"Yeah, a bit. Try the past fuckin' year and a half."

"Let me say my fuckin' piece! I knew you had it bad for the guy. But you'd never make a move, 'cause you're chicken shit. So I'm layin' in bed, about to go to this goddamn hockey game with you, when you call me up with this mopey-ass attitude, talkin' about how you're so head over heels for the bastard and he's never gonna realize it-- and somethin' in my head clicks. Like a lightbulb turnin' on, cartoony-ass moment. And I'm like, maybe Julian just needs a push, y'know? Maybe he's too big of a coward to ask Max out-- and hey, I can respect that! But I've got these two tickets in my hand, and I don't even care about hockey so much-- and I have the chance to engineer some alone time for these two. You feel me? I was tryin' to get you two on a date without either of you knowin' it."

Jules stood still as the gears clanked around his head. "You... were tryin'... to help me get with the guy?"

Lenny grinned. "Yeah, see? I was just tryin' to help you out, you feel me? I was bein' a good Samaritan!"

"And now he's in love with a hockey player that he saw for the first time at that game."

The ginger's grin fell into a grimace. "Well, y'see, I can't really control that shit... I mean, there was no way for me to know... I just wanted to give you a hand, man, I didn't think he'd fall for some hockey hunk!"

"I should beat your ass." Jules mumbled, biting his lip.

"But you won't, right?"

Julian looked at Lenny. The kid might've looked like a tough customer with his popped collar and ring-clad fingers, but he'd never been in a fight in his life. The possibility of Jules swinging at him seemed to make him genuinely anxious. Julian laughed.

"Nah, bitch, I'm not gonna hit ya. You were tryin' to do a nice thing for me. And I appreciate that shit, even if it backfired."

Lenny joined the laugh. "Yeah, anytime, brother, anytime!"

"But never do that shit again, alright?" Sudden seriousness blew over the conversation like a cold wind. "I mean it. Stay the hell out of me and Max's shit. I'm... I ain't his type. It's never gonna happen, so it's better to just let it be. I'll get over it."

The other boy cracked his neck, starting to stand rather than lean against the pier railing. "But, hey, people can date outside their types sometimes, y'know? I mean, shit, if I only dated blonde chicks with big tits and cute laughs, I'd never get a fuckin' date."

"You don't ever get a fuckin' date, Len."

"Circumstantial!" Lenny chirped in retaliation. "I'd be datin' all types of cute chicks if I wasn't so busy with school and work and shit!"

"Yeah, so busy you have time to fake sick to meddle with your lonely gay friend's unrequited crush?"

"Alright, that's it, let's go, pirate boy!" Lenny yelled, squaring up.

Julian laughed maniacally as he raised his fists. "Call me pirate all you want, but I only need one leg to kick your ass, ginger!"

Lenny made a jab for Jules' stomach, easily dodged as Jules slid to the left, grabbing Lenny's arm and twisting it behind his back. The redhead cried out in pain. "Surrender, bitch!" Julian demanded.

"I'd rather die!" Len yelped, trying desperately to shake free.

"Then consider yourself a dead man."

But before Jules could threaten to dislocate Lenny's arm to assert dominance, his phone buzzed.

"Was that yours?" Len questioned.

"Yeah, sorry," Jules explained, "I turned my ringer on earlier 'cause I was waitin' for my ma to call me. Guess I forgot to turn it off."

He raised the phone, prepared to flick the ringer button to "off" and continue kicking Lenny's ass, when he saw the notification that had broken up the tussle. One text from Maximillion$$$: "GUESS WHO GOT A FUCKIN DATE TONIGHT AYYOOOOO B) $$$"

Lenny peeked over Julian's shoulder, then scoffed. "Oh, I have gotta be there for this."

~~~

author's note: second update today!! yeehaw! :^)