I've Got It Bad (And You'll Never Know) (BXB)

viii.

With nowhere else to go, Jules wandered campus.

It snowed lightly as he stepped out into the brisk air. He didn't have the sense to grab a scarf or hat on the way out, so his body was frozen from the base of the neck up, but he wasn't going back to the dorm building. He couldn't run into Max or Lenny like this.

When he was a kid, mad at his parents, Jules would play a game: If he couldn't leave the room, he would count down in tens, willing himself to keep his cool for just another ten seconds over and over again until he was out of their sight and could hit a pillow to take out his rage.

Being around Max was like counting down in tens constantly. He just had to keep himself from doing anything stupid for another ten seconds. Avoid kissing Max for another ten. Hold back from suddenly confessing his feelings for just a few more seconds.

He kept thinking about what Max had said while getting ready for his big date: "I need a friend right now, alright, Jules? Not a bodyguard."

And certainly not a boyfriend, Jules moped. He's gettin' that from Joey Thatchlin now, apparently.

Julian willed himself to think about something that wouldn't give him hives.

Why the fuck had Lenny done that? Was he being "helpful" again? After Jules had just told the guy not to meddle?

Alright, that gave him hives, too. Think of something else.

He was cold. Campus looked pretty in the light snowfall-- the streetlamps somehow looked brighter.

There were so many buildings he'd never been to. In high school, as much as he'd hated that place, at least he could find his way around. If somebody asked where the art room was, he could point the way-- He couldn't even begin to imagine which of these stone monoliths had the paintbrushes in it.

Fuck, it was cold. Maybe he should call his brother. Did Dustin happen to have any more crazy warm sweatshirts he didn't wear anymore?

Jules pulled his phone out, considering it. Well, he wasn't actually gonna ask for a sweatshirt-- but a call might be nice. He hadn't heard from Dusty in a while. They both had their own lives now, he guessed. But siblings understand each other on a deeper level than other relationships-- you were raised by the same people. You get each other.

Maybe Dusty could illuminate something to him about his current situation-- in love with his best friend who was completely oblivious and into someone unattainable.

But that would be stupid. It was almost 11:00 now-- Jules had been walking for hours. Time goes fast when you're having fun, he supposed-- or when you're deeply entrenched in your own thoughts and psyche. Calling someone this late would be assholeish unless you were absolutely certain they'd be awake-- and Dustin had a job now, and a long term girlfriend. He didn't need his kid brother calling him in the middle of the night to deal with his gay shit.

Besides, nobody calls anybody anymore, Julian decided with an air of finality. If he wanted to talk to Dusty, he'd shoot him a text. That was much more cordial-- it didn't require an immediate response, giving Dusty time to think or ignore if he was busy.

Julian opened his messaging app, meditating on the content of his text to his big brother, when his phone rang. He guessed somebody didn't get the memo about the rudeness of calling in the middle of the night-- then, he realized the contact name: Maximillion$$$.

He didn't think. He clicked the green pickup button. "What's up?"

"Do you have a car?"

Jules knit his brows in confusion. He didn't, but Lenny did, and he owed him for the stunt he'd pulled earlier that evening in front of Max. "Yeah, why?"

"I need somebody to come get me. The T..." The call was interrupted by a sniffle. "Um-- sorry-- the T is too-- public."

Julian's blood froze. "Max, are you crying?"

A quick quiet on the other end. Then a sigh. "Yeah."

The best he could with a prosthetic leg not built for speed, Jules began sprinting in the direction of Lenny's room, prepared to get those car keys at any cost. "Okay, tell me where you are, Max, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Flanagan's on Washington." A choked sound, like Max was trying to eat a sob.

Jules' heart hammered. "Okay, I'll be there in 15 minutes, I'm on my way." Max mumbled something. "What was that, buddy?"

"You... You were right about Joey."

"Don't worry, Max, I'm on the way, I'm gonna be there soon."

Max sounded hoarse. Defeated. "You were right."

~~~

author's note: sorry for the late update!! i was partying too hard on Halloween :^)! i'm going to Boston (omg like this story) for the weekend to hang out with the love of my life so i won't be updating again till Sunday night (11/3)

thank u for sticking with this story!! i appreciate each and every reader <3 have a nice day!