If God Has Forsaken Me

Chapter 7- Her Butler, Dearly Departed

Her Butler, Dearly Departed 

I walked up to the casket, my black dress flowing behind me.

I lifted the veil from my face and untied the pink ribbon from my wrist, and leaned down to the casket.

Lizzie’s peaceful face was lacking the spark it usually had. All I could think was that this wasn’t my best friend--- this wasn’t the girl that helped me through so much, the one who kept me from succumbing to depression.

I gripped the ribbon tightly in my hand, and raised it to my lips, planting a kiss to the satin material.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, and looked back into the casket, and grabbed Lizzie’s wrist, tying the pink ribbon around her wrist.

I felt someone walk up next to me, and I glanced over, seeing Ciel. His eyes were locked on Lizzie’s face-- a pink flower was fastened to his jacket.

I looked back to Lizzie’s wrist and finished tying the bow she would’ve deemed “simply adorable”.

“Good… She would have liked that…” Ciel mumbled, and I nodded, going back and sitting in the pew. Slowly, I lifted my sleeve and scratched at my skin, which was already red and bleeding.

When Ciel sat next to me, I quickly pulled my sleeve down again.

The Priest stepped up to the podium, and the small crowd that had gathered quieted.

“Elizabeth has touched many lives… Including my own. Elizabeth was a very honest, passionate girl, who would risk her life for her friends and family. Elizabeth was devoted to God, and she showed that to devotion to anyone she came in contact with. Elizabeth always had a smile on her face, and she greets the Lord today with that smile, the smile that we all know, and miss. In the event that she would pass, she’s written notes for everyone in attendance today, and I will be distributing these. May god bless her as she reaches the gates of heaven-- she was one of the most purest souls that I’ve seen, and she will be greatly missed in this church.” The Priest finished, and the crowd mumbled in agreement.

Ciel and I looked at each other, knowing for a fact that we would never see heaven-- we’d never see what this priest was talking about.

I’d never see my best friend again.

The Priest came to the side Ciel and I were on first, and put a pink envelope in my hands. I nodded to the Priest, and slowly opened it.

I gently pulled the folded note out of  it’s pink envelope, and unfolded it.

Lizzie’s loopy handwriting was on the front of the paper, and I flipped it over, seeing the same handwriting on the back.

Dear Charlotte,

As you know, I’ve passed on. Hopefully later on in life, and maybeeee, just maybe, I died married to Ciel! Anyway, there’s something you should know. I doubt you remember-- but if you do, this letter will serve as a reminder of better times, times with me in it, of course!  While we grew up, I didn’t know you right away--- Ciel and I did, we had always known each other and I loved him very very much. You came into my life after you were adopted, and… That’s when you first came into Ciel’s life. Ciel and you became friends just as quickly as we did. But, after your adoptive parents passed, and the Queen adopted you, well… You forgot about Ciel. And as you forgot, Ciel forgot. You both became so caught up in what was going on in your respective worlds, you forgot about what an amazing friendship the three of us had together.  I want you to remember how fun it was--- how we never left each others side, how Madam Red played with us all day long, and the tea parties we had where Ciel was the baby! Ha! But overall, I want you to know that I love you, and that Ciel did-- and if he does now, well I don’t know, I’m dead after all. I’m leaving for you a locket, similar to the one your adoptive mother gave you. Paula will be giving it to you after my funeral.

 

I hope to see you in heaven!

Love,

Elizabeth Midford, or Phantomhive!

 

I blinked rapidly, trying my best not to cry in front of Ciel. I already knew Ciel? Before the ball, before meeting Sebastian, before all that… I knew him?

Suddenly, it all clicked in.

Why I got so comfortable with him so fast, why being around him was so easy, so natural… It was because I already knew him.

I was already used to him.

Knowing him again was getting used to him again, re-learning how he worked and how he acted.

And it was easy-- so easy.

And Lizzie was the only one who knew-- the only one who cared enough to tell us.

I glanced over at Ciel, who was reading his letter, and stood up quickly, going to her coffin and leaning down to her level.

“I’ll miss you Lizzie… I love you so much…. Be happy in heaven, for me.” I whispered, and stood straight again, and shot a look to Chesphire. He nodded, and I walked out of the church, my butler following behind me.

I wasn’t exactly comfortable with being around Ciel, not only because  I was ready to break down, but because I was afraid of his reaction to what Lizzie would tell him. I knew I’d see him at some point, but I didn’t want to face him just yet.

Absentmindedly, I scratched my arm, deepening the scratches and generating new ones.

“M’lady…” Chesphire said softly, frowning.

I shot him a glare, and walked to the carriage, getting in and sitting closest to the window. Chesphire got in after me, concern still on his face.

I understood that he cared--- I understood that he only cared because he was after my soul.

Did anyone genuinely care?

Did Ciel care?

I couldn’t tell anymore- the person that gave me clarity was dead and gone, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I scratched at my wrist, a frown on my lips.

Chesphire sighed, and looked out the window.

My life had just turned a corner--- and I couldn’t tell what was going to happen, or if my best friend was going to help me.