Her Song

15 - Afternoon Delight

**Van**

Jealousy makes you act like a jerk. At least, jealousy makes me act like a jerk.

I knew for the entire week before we headed out on tour that I'd been a jerk that day at Lucy's when we'd met up to go over some of the final tour details. I'd ignored Kim and sneered at Gray. When I'd seen him put his lips on her my blood had begun to boil. Jealousy had raged through me. It was all I could do to hold back the curses that were waiting to spew out from between my lips.

I'd hated it. And then I'd hated myself. Kim was my friend. Not my potential lover or girlfriend or anything more than that. A friend, that's all she was and all she could be. A friend is what she needed me to be and I felt like the world's greatest ass for jeopardising that with my ridiculous jealousy. I knew that I had because she'd been cooler with me all week, holding herself back as if she didn't quite trust my reactions.

As if that wasn't bad enough Gray, who was far from an idiot, noticed my reaction and called me on it. So not only had I fucked up my friendship with Kim, my behaviour had fucked with what should have been my top priority – my band. "I don't want to be the arsehole who cuts your grass man but you can't call dibs on her and then not do anything about it. I like her, I'm not sure how much but I wouldn't mind the chance to find out," he'd said. It pissed me off that in a way he was right. From his position I was acting like a cock-blocking dog in the manger but he didn't know everything that I did and part of me wondered just how fast he'd run if he knew exactly what the situation was that Kim had found herself in. Because I had no idea how he'd react. I was still feeling my way with my bandmates. I hadn't known them for years the way they'd known each other and my obviously bad attitude when it came to Kim wasn't doing me any favours with them. If they knew the truth things may have been different but it wasn't my truth to tell.

What I hadn't expected was how much the way Kim was keeping a wary distance from me stung. I'd grown accustomed to our easy rapport and my brief moment of idiocy had stifled that. By the time we set off for our first show in Nottingham I'd determined to fix things.

I paused at the top of the steps and cast my eyes about in search of Kim. She was curled up in a window seat about half way down the bus. I set off in her direction.

We may not have been living the full tour bus experience that was in store for us when we hit the States but Lucy had still arranged to have our asses hauled around in what looked to be a pretty comfortable motor coach. She'd even managed to find one that wouldn't leave me with my knees pressed up under my chin.

Gray hadn't yet boarded but Josh and Ace had found themselves spots toward the rear and had stretched out to nap, sunglasses firmly affixed to their faces. We may not have gone in for the full Afterburn pre-tour party but we'd managed a few drinks at Research as a send-off. Some more than others as indicated by the sports drinks firmly clutched by both Josh and Ace.

"This seat taken?" I asked as I slid into the seat next to Kim. She glanced around at all the empty seats and fixed me in place, half frozen as I sat down, with a gaze, utterly inscrutable behind her sunglasses – I knew better than to assume she had a hangover - before she offered me a wary smile of welcome.

I watched as she turned back to her phone, making no effort to engage me in conversation. Not that it was her place to. After all I was the one who'd ignored the empty seats surrounding us in favour of the one beside her. I could almost feel the wall between us, I could understand why it was there – I'd behaved like the worst kind of idiot – and as much as I regretted it part of me wondered if it wasn't for the best. After all the loss of our friendly connection put an effective barrier between me and the way I wanted to throw caution to the wind and kiss her until we were both naked and panting. Still, even if nothing changed, I needed to apologise for being a dick.