Love and Letters ✔

Chapter 11

Love and Letters

Chapter 11

"Dear Amani,

I'm not sure, has campus started already? Are you prepared? What are you studying? I overheard your brother tell that Zubair that you want to study psychology. Is that true?

If it is, I think you would be an amazing psychologist. You are simply brilliant. You can do anything that you set your mind to.

Every time that I see your beautiful brown eyes, I think of the stars. It's weird, right? I won't be offended if you agree. But it is only because of who they always seem to sparkle with some untold stories and untold secrets. It is like your eyes glitter with knowledge and only the privileged will know what secrets lie behind your eyes.

Always yours,

I."

After Is-haaq spoiled my mood at the engagement, I escaped and forced myself to read through some of his letters. I saved the ones I had from Matric and as I read them, I placed them in the lilac gift box I kept his other letters in.

I pulled out another envelope from the big box my brother kept and smiled as I read the top. "To the prettiest girl that I know." This was dated when I was in the second semester of first year; 21st October 2015. 

"My dearest Amani,

How are you doing, pretty girl? How has your week been? I'm sorry. I know that over the last month you haven't gotten any letters.

I was busy. Tests are killing me. I barely get time to sleep with how crazy and chaotic my life has been. Can you imagine juggling studying, assignments and to build an actual working model? I hate the fact that I wanted to be an engineer sometimes, really.

My room mates are noisy and loud, and they like to have stupid parties. I love them for all their craziness and abilities to help out if they can, but lack of sleep makes me moody and irritable. Thankfully, they understand. Or they act like they do because I never complain about their parties.

You know, I keep thinking about the day you told me that even writing these letters to you are haram, I can't seem to help myself. It is like a diary. I don't even know if you are reading them anymore.

Much love,

Your I." 

I bit my lip and randomly selected another letter. His sweet words were pulling at my heart strings. The date that was neatly scrawled underneath his usual greeting was 20 March 2015. 

"To the beautiful Amani,

It's literally 00:02. My phone is buzzing and ringing and every single time that I look at the screen, I am hoping to see your name. Or even to see your brother message and say, 'Hi, Happy birthday bro, Amani says that I should wish you on her behalf as well'. That would make my day. In more ways than you could even know.

It's my 21st birthday.

You can imagine how upset my family members are at me for deciding to not have a party. They feel that you only turn 21 once. But that is exactly how it works with every other age. I'll only turn 23 once, and 47 once. It all occurs only once. Why should I have a big and wasteful party to have absolutely no one give me any gifts?

I've told them that I would prefer if they could feed an orphanage, or to give out sanitary packs to less fortunate teenagers.

God, by studying away from home and away from the comforts of my parents' wealth, I have come to realise how fortunate I am and how blessed I am. I've seen some of my classmates struggle to get to campus because of transport strikes. I've seen them sleep overnight in the library, and in the toilet. I've seen friends choose to spend the little money that they have on printing out the work that they need instead of buying them a meal.

How can some people go through this world without worrying about those who are suffering? I wish I could do more. I wish that there was a way to help those that really need it.

But life never makes soldiers out of comfort zones.

With a breaking heart,

An old man,

Is-haaq."

I couldn't breathe. His letter made me cry. My chest closed up and I sat crossed legged on my bed, hugging my pillows as I poured my heart out. Once I was done crying, I creeped my way to the kitchen quietly. I needed something to drink.

But something sparkly caught my eye, and I was reminded of the very first letter that I received from Is-haaq. Half-running, I picked it up. Only to be disappointed. There was nothing inside the envelope.