Cold At My Core | Johnnie Guilbert

Ch 3: Second Chances

"What I'm doing with my life? Nacho business."

______

There was... a certain weight lifted from my chest, as I staggered outside, stumbling a little on my own two feet like the graceful homosapien I am.

I felt... okay. And maybe the therapy was helping with that.

To celebrate this success, I hailed to the Mexican Empire of Fast Food. 

I could smell the nachos calling my name as I walked through Taco Bell's entrance, striding to the counter like nobody's business. 

I didn't notice him until I had ordered and sat down at the restaraunt's island, bar stool under bum. 

But, y'know, the red hair kind of stood out.

I watched him from the corner of my eye, sipping at my extra-large Baja.

He was there again. What gives? Was he stalking me? 

Okay, Kristy. So like 1) He came before you, so he's not following, and 2) Who cares what some weird guy is up to on a Wednesday afternoon.

Okay, I told my mind, taking an extra-long sip. 1) I know. and 2) he's not weird. Shy, maybe, but he was the first one to make a move, so...

So should I make a move back?

Should I go up?

A pause, the statement--the internal question--hanging inside my head.

Should I?

Another question answered, and it was all I needed to start a plan in motion.

What's there to lose?

______

When my drink was reduced to ice, when my food was delievered but never touched, I decided to stand up. I decided to take a risk and do something.

My bravery was like that. Short and scarce. Like a shot of gasoline thrown into an empty car tank.

But, alas, I moved. I waited until his order was called up, and I moved. I pretended like I was only there to grab another straw, but when he was feet away from me, I decided to walk up.

"Straw for your drink," I said, flipping and pointing the other end at him.

"Oh. Thanks." And he looked up at me, dark blue eyes meeting mine. His stare went wide with recognition, and he spilled out a syllable of a word, some fraction of a phopa. 

"You're..."

I held out a hand. "I'm Krissy. Sorry if this is weird. I just felt like saying 'hi.'"

I laughed a little at myself, and it was enough to truly break the ice. A grin hooked one side of his mouth, and I noticed slightly crooked teeth.

Cute, I found myself thinking, heart fluttering like a bird taking off. A little geeky, but cute.

In the split second it took for him to shake my hand, I had learned his name. Johnnie. Perfect. A little adorable, but perfect.

Am I already falling?

"Where are you sitting?" He had finally grabbed his tray, drink balancing in one corner. And with a leap of my heart, I realized he wanted to sit next to me. 

He wanted to keep talking.

ohmygod.

I just hoped I didn't mess this up. My fingers crossed behind my back as I lead him to the long island nearby, wondering if he wanted to sit anywhere else in the empty restrauant. 

"We can go somewhere else," I began, turning the corner and trailing the edge of the island as if it were a line in the floor. "This place is deserted, so..."

"Nah, it's good." Johnnie sat on the stool beside my food, positioning his burrito for that first bite. How he unwrapped it so quickly, I have no idea. But that first bite never came. He pulled away as I slipped onto my stool, those eyes avoiding mine as he cuffed the back of his neck. "You... actually wanna eat closer to the window? It's kind of a nice day outside."

From the edge of my vision, I noted it was damp with rain and totally overcast. 

"S-sure. That's fine." I chirped this last bit out like a baby blue bird, and Johnnie grinned at me, revealing white teeth. The color contrasted well with his lip ring. 

So we sat near the window, the wall almost completely transparent with glass. I watched cars inch through the drive-thru, and I wondered what they were all ordering. 

"You think they'd come in," Johnnie half-complained, taking a bite of his burrito. He didn't say anything else, forcing me to fill in the silence.

"Yeah, with the lack of people here," my voice curved into a half-question. "You think so, huh?"

Johnnie nearly gagged as he choked out a laugh, a muffled sound mainly from his nose. 

Shit, what'd I do.

"You're cute," he murmured, chomping another bite. He was hunched over a bit, completely into his food, completely not watching how my face grew a lighter shade of crimson. 

When I didn't say anything, when my brain was sputtering out random phopas, I just kept my lips tight. My brain was still whirring, bright mechanic lights flashing around a DO NOT EMBARRASS YOURSELF button. But I couldn't press it. It was like my brain had to fuck things up, sporadically. 

I just saw those blue eyes look to me, and another laugh came to him. Another muffled breath, and he put a hand to the back of his neck once more.

Fuck, what did I just say?

He never repeated, never responded to whatever I had said. Blame my stupid sick mind... 

When we were finished with our food, when conversation was as light and bright as the sun on our skin, I found myself smiling. 

I still felt that heaviness, but days like these had a way of working out. Of that, I was coming to know.