A Show About Death

Part 1 - Meet The Maitland's... And Their Roommate

"Blah blah Beetlejuice you're so evil blah blah." Beetlejuice rolled his eyes, closed Tumblr off his phone, and collapsed onto the plush rug. Man, Lydia hooked him up good. He had the whole attic of the Maitlands' house, all to himself. It was decked out with everything from a water bed-- not that BJ really had to sleep, but it was fun-- to colorful curtains. BJ had picked them out himself from a catalog Lydia gave to him-- he may be dead, but he still likes colors, dammit!

Of all the things that Lydia got him, though, his phone was easily his favorite. He spent hours trolling kids on Fortnite and sparking arguments on Facebook. He was awful and it was great. He also had the number of everyone in the house, even the Maitlands. Yeah they were also dead, but they needed a way to keep up with Lydia when she's away. 

BJ's phone beeped again and he sat up, unlocking it quickly. What's it this time? A game's loot box? Another Grindr match? A new reblog? BJ groaned, it was just a text from Barbara. She was the, uh, woman of the house. She packed Lydia's lunches for school and cleaned all the time and does god-knows-what-else in the bedroom with Adam. BJ can't even say he's surprised by the lack of bed creaking that comes from that room. 

"What does she want?" He grumbled. He had a feeling she was gonna take the shit out of him for giving Lydia more bad habits.

Dead Almost-Mom: Beetlejuice, what did I tell you about teaching Lydia bad habits?

Ha, bingo. BJ grinned mischievously and replied.

King BJ: i have no idea what youre talkin about barbie-bra

Dead Almost-Mom: You know exactly what I'm talking about.

King BJ: how do you know

Dead Almost-Mom: Because you're the only one who would teach Lydia to have such a foul mouth!

King BJ: lmao

Dead Almost-Mom: I don't know what that means so I will assume the worst.

King BJ: it means laughing my ass off you fuckin dunce

Dead Almost-Mom: Language! 

King BJ: english

BJ heard a yell come from downstairs and stomping on the stairs and-- oh shit! Barbara threw the door open-- nearly knocking it off the hinges-- and made her way to Beetlejuice.

"Hey, Barbs! Nice ta see you!" He cried, feigning joy. He backed up and hit his desk, stopped in his tracks. Barbara reached him and towered over his crouching figure. "You doin' good?" He squeaked. 

Barbara went to open her mouth-- but was interrupted. Lydia came running into the room, yelling various cuss words. Barbara turned to the living teen, shocked, and started after her. Lydia winked at BJ and ran off, disappearing with the ghost behind her.

BJ let out a breath and relaxed. That could've ended badly. Like last week, when Barbara cut BJ's head off and locked it in the bathroom for a week. That was awful. Especially the smells, ugh, horrid!

The phone went off again, BJ begrudgingly picked it up. A text from Charles-- Lydia's biological dad-- saying he was going to be gone for another week with Delia, his wife. They've already been gone for nearly a month, Lydia is gonna be pissed. That's why Charles always tells BJ-- the Maitlands' will hide it from Lydia, and Lyds herself will just take the piss outa Charles. But BJ? He'll just tell Lydia. He was tempted to not do it this time, contemplating it as he dropped his phone again.

Lydia hasn't been doing too well, recently. Especially with her dad avoiding the house so much and Delia being gone on art shows. It was a mess. Even the Maitlands weren't helping. They tried but... Were lacking. BJ had an idea-- a surprisingly un-malicious plan that will help Lydia, and not force BJ to break the news to her! He quickly snatched up his phone and started his research.