Things That Annoy Me

Mental Health

Hey followers and/or readers, so recently I've been going through some really awful shit. It's probably the worst I've ever felt in my 17 years (I recently turned 17 and feel so old ahh help ) on this Earth.

For the past month, I've been feeling so anxious and miserable. I get so anxious that I start to feel sick and this has really affected the amount of food I'd consume on a daily basis.

I'm not saying I've been suffering from an eating disorder because I don't but let's just say I've lost quite a bit of weight from it all. An unhealthy amount.

The reason I feel like this, and the reason why most teenagers feel like this, is partly due to school.

In England, once you turn 16 and finish secondary school, you have to pick huge impactful life decisions. It's fucking mental, I know. You're still a bloody child (you can't even vote) and you have to choose serious options that clearly do affect your future.

Anyway enough about England's fucked up education system.

So I left to go onto sixth form. A completely different school to all of my friends and now I've been feeling completely alone. I have met a couple of nice people but I miss all my old friends so much. It's like when you go to a sleepover at a friend's house and then you get homesick and feel like sobbing into the pillow at night, missing home.

(Totally haven't done that before, no)

I guarantee everyone has felt like this before. But, for someone who is an introvert (struggles to makes friends through communication) and quite sensitive, it just gets to me a lot.

Currently, it's half term and I'm dreading to go back. I've had mini meltdowns and even when I'm out in public I start to get self conscious in the way that I eat incase I throw up or something.

It sounds gross but whenever I'm in class, I just fear vomiting and humiliating myself. And I know it's just my brain playing tricks on me and thinking up the worst scenarios but that's just the problem.

It's my brain.

No-one can help me.

It's like I'm drowning in a pool but I put myself in that situation and refuse to swim up.

This probably sounds like a scream for help from a suicidal teen but just know that I am fine in that respect.

I cherish life so much.

But sometimes, these days feel so shitty and I just can't be arsed anymore.

Sorry for this rant. I mean this book is a rant book so what did you expect...

I felt like I needed to express this in the best way that I could and that is through writing.

What is keeping me slightly motivated is you guys reading my books. I see so many votes and comments on 'Speaking Isn't My Strong Point' and it's truly wonderful to see.

My 13 year old self would be screaming.

Thank you,

💎Gemsnjewels 💎