lost&found | johnil

[1] monday morning

i woke up at the shivering cold of the autumn wind with my face puffy and my clothes smelly

every bit of orientation was lost in my hungover brain but after looking around for a bit i slowly started to recognize my indeed familiar surroundings

of course i knew where i was

this was basically where i had spend my whole childhood playing around with my friends

my old neighborhoods playground..a lot of things had happened here

sighing i stood up but stopped in the middle of it

my back was in pain since i had spend the night on the uncomfortable wooden bench

while rubbing the aching spot i tried to stretch a little to get back some life in my numb limbs

i accidentially knocked down some bottles from last night which shattered into millions of tiny little pieces on the ground but i didn't pay much attention to it

instead i checked the time and called for someone to pick me up since it was quite a long way to walk and i was late for my lecture already

》what do you want john?《

he had asked a little annoyed

》i need you to pick me up《

if you listened closely you could hear how he fought back the urge to swear or even yell at me

》fine where are you?《

finally giving in the annoyance in his voice doubled

》mv playground《

and suddenly he didn't answer anymore but i knew he didn't hang up as i could hear him breathing on the phone

after waiting for a few very long seconds he responded in such a calm and gentle manner i was quite stunned

》it's gonna take a minute but i'll be there soon is that okay johnny?《

the way he called me made me feel nostalgic

johnny was what he and all of my childhood friends used to call me all the time

however they had all stopped doing so right after it happened

the name reminded us all too much of him as he was the one who had started calling me like that and he also was the one who said my name the most

》johnny! johnny!《

i could still hear him yell after me in excitement whenever someone brought back that nickname

only a few newer friends i had made at university refered to me as johnny

they didn't know how much weight and meaning was attached to it and i was in no way ready to shair that with them

so i just dealt with it even though it hurts

》yeah it's fine《

i mumbled into the speaker absentmindedly

his response i honestly do not remember

after hanging up i tried to pull myself together at least a little bit and make me look somewhat decent

in the end i was still smelling like alcohol, cigerattes and a little bit of weed but at least my hair was looking kind of fine

the dark blue button up also looked neat despite the few streaks of lipstick on it

i had tried to get rid of it but i was pretty sure i had made it worse as i had smuged it all around

it took quite a while till i saw him hurry over to me from the distance

》come i'll drive you home《

nodding i followed him to his small black car

as we sat next to each other -him driving and me just looking out the window- the silence grew

》hey you know you can always-《

you could almost see the guilt he was feeling for being grumpy on the phone

》don't it's okay sicheng i know《

worry was still in his dark eyes but he kept quiet with a sad smile

he knew me very well

sicheng could tell whenever i felt uncomfortable, whenever i was sad and whenever something was bothering me

sicheng also knew what to do and how to cheer me up no matter how bad things seemed

but sicheng never knew how to handle the topic taeil

it was obvious how he immediately became nervous whenever someone mentioned him

he would try to talk about it but change the topic as soon as he noticed me hesitate

from time to time a sense of guilt crept up on me

i knew how he felt like he needed to help me through but was failing horribly

the truth however was that i appreciated his efforts a lot and actually i really wanted to talk it all out

my head was always full of thoughts so many thoughts that i was sure it was gonna burst at any second

remembering him was always painful

everytime my stomach would turn and on really bad days i would be puking

it sounds overdramatic i know but taeil was my best friend and i had seen what i never wished to see

on lonely days i was sometimes imagining how life could have been

what kind of teenager would taeil have been?

his interests? what would change?

which collage would he like?

would he be popular? or would i still be protecting him? maybe he would be protecting me?

the more i thought about it the less i realized to know about him

that cute little first grader taeil doesn't exist anymore

the taeil i knew was only a memory

》let's go《

sicheng spoke softly to gain my attention

i quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and rushed outside the car but suddenly stopped

》why are we here?《

instead of driving me home he had brought me to his small apartment building

》cause your gloomy and especially hungover ass will probably just sleep during the lecture anyways《

he walked ahead without waiting whereupon i had to rush after him

》that's not the point《

i yelled but continued to follow him

》i bought a new playstation yesterday《

》how can your broke ass afford that shit《

》shut the fuck up or you'll have to watch me play alone 《

shrieking i squished him in a backhug

》i'm sorry winwinnie《

he tried to get me off him with all his might but i was just way stronger than him

amused by the way he struggled i couldn't keep myself from giggling all along

yeah i guess sicheng really is good at cheering me up

_________

this chapter comes way too late but lol who cares
btw i have 18 minutes till i have to go to school but i still didn't do shit:)
however this was pretty boring once again but it will get better

*