Dean's POV
After I was finished with my 'ordeal', I found the first aid kit dad kept hidden for him and Sam’s injuries in the cupboard above the sink.
I figured dad would keep it there, he knows I’m too much of a dumbass to normally find it, I agree, but it seems that luck and whatever sonovabitch is out there are on my side and decide to have some mercy on me when I do this kind of shit.
I understand, though. I’m not worth wasting medical equipment on, and I fully agree. For fuck’s sake, I’m a worthless piece of shit, and I get why dad doesn’t want me as his son. I couldn’t even die right. What kind of a dumbass do you have to be to not even be able to fucking die right? That’s a whole new level of stupidity for me. There’s a reason I’m not the smart one in the family. There’s also a reason why I’m not the one bringing back a perfect report card and getting a rare congrats and a pat on the back. That’s because I’m a dumbass. Idiot. Fucking stupid. Retard. Fucktard. Oh, great. Now, not only has my self-pity reached a new low, but so has my patheticness. I mean, seriously, what kind of a fucking stupid piece of shit can’t even stop themselves from feeling fucking emotions that might be really fucking stupid, and really girly as shit, but ain’t dumber than me? God, I’m such a fuck-up. I can’t even do anything fucking right. Fuck me.
Focus, dumbass. Wrists are bleeding, so stop wallowing in your pathetic-ass self-pity and fucking grab the bandages, close the first aid kit with the utmost care because you know you can’t do shit right and pray to god that dad doesn’t find out you wasted shit on your worthless ass.
I’m gonna make a quick decision and agree to everything my consciousness just said and try to shut off my brain, you, and focus on getting the stuff.
Alright, so I just need to find the stuff. Fuck, I need to steady myself. I think I might’ve lost a little too much blood, heh. Stupid me.
JUST FUCKING FOCUS YOU PIECE OF USELESS SHIT
“Sorry, sir”, I obediently replied; John likes obedience, its something hes been training into me since…since forever. Wait, hold the fuck up, was my voice shaking? Oh, come the fuck on. My voice is fucking shaking? Jesus Christ, can I not do anything fucking right? I can’t even talk right. How much more of a failure am I gonna turn into (if I even make it that far) as time passes...? Whatever, let’s just find a way to hide from dad.
Dad.
I look up from the bloody mess on what once must’ve been a white tiled bathroom floor, now covered in my blood and mold and probably 17 different types of STDs. Dad’s not even in here. Thank fuck for that. Shit. I’m not supposed to feel relief, and there’s the guilt. Fucking feelings. Such a fucking girl, Dean. Always having feelings. You forget what dad told you, you piece of shit? Dad said only fucking girls cry like babies. Real men don’t fucking cry. Real men aren’t so fucking useless. He didn’t even say real men, he said Winchesters. You aren’t a Winchester. Fucking useless piece of shit. Everything is your fault. Its not like dad’s had it easy. He didn’t come back from Vietnam right, and before he even had time to adjust, he lost mom. Wait. Why am I defending him? He’s my dad. That’s right. He’s my dad, he’s family. I can’t hate em’; he’s the only one who’ll even bother with me. He’s not supposed to be here in the first place, goddammit. I messed up real bad on the last hunt. I didn’t die. Again. How many times have I cheated death at this point? Holy fuck, is everything wrong with me?
Well, of course it is dumbass.
And there goes that voice from my nightmares, back at it again. Jesus, just fucking focus Dean.
§§§§§§
A/n
Right. So I finally updated. It's not chapter 2 fully, it's like the beginning cuz I think the rest I wasn't done with.
Jesus fucking christ like I just read through it, and it's terrible. It is so fucking bad, and I'm terribly sorry for that. But, I just spent 40 minutes on one fucking question of math, and I kept doing it again sn again, and I have like 4 more questions to go, and these questions are long. And this shit is due tomorrow.
I also have dt hw due tomorrow, and I did 7 pages of that, so I'm good. But holy fuck today has been ultimate shit, and my mood is shit, and im so fucking sorry that you have to suffer through this shit writing. I swear as soon as I get access to a computer again, I'll start revising this shit over and over again. I will. I'll fix all the shit.
It's not beta'd, whatever that technically means, all written by me. No one's looked it over. I'm really fucking sorry.
Goodnight
-I'm in a shit mood dude. Apologies.
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Let me heal you, let me help you || Destiel Soulmates || High School AU ||
RandomWhen you turn 12, your soulmates first name and first letter of their last name, appears on your wrist. And once it does, whatever you write on your skin is mirrored on their skin. If you write on your skin, it appears on their skin, if you get brui...
