The Most Dysfunctional Family in History

Tale of the Brat, the Shark, and the Underpaid Puppet

A week after that gloriously murderous night, Itachi and Kisame begin their ridiculously long trip to Konoha.

Sprinting on through the downpour of Amegakure, the two ninjas discuss tactics for the upcoming recruit mission. However, Kisame's mind is quite far from the mission, instead choosing to focus on his partner.

By order of Pein-sama, Sasori had to create medicines that would possibly help Itachi's sight improve, sadly most of the others failed.

~Flashback~

Test 1:

"Itachi!" Bolting to Sasori's room, the young raven looked to his superior, well, tried to. "I'm right here."

Turning the boy in the right direction, the poor carrot man could merely shake his head. "I need you to try this medication," shoving the liquid down the boy's throat (yes I know how terrible that sounds) the Uchiha immediately gagged.

"It tastes awful!"

The puppet merely scoffed, "Name a single medicine that works great and tastes good!"

Sighing, the carrot man glared at the two, "Who cares about the taste?! Does it work?!" His answer came at Itachi falling to his knees and starting to burp out fire, which caused Sasori to flip his shit and run to the corner screaming.

"GET THE FUCK OUT! GET THE ACTUAL FUCK OUT BEFORE YOU BURN ME OR MY BABIES!" Unable to move, the Uchiha could merely keep burping till it ended. Pein managed to haul him out.

After catching his breath, the Uchiha had a realization, "Wow! I've never felt cleaner! It's like that medicine cleared every unhealthy thing in my body with the burps!"

Pein, now calming the shaking puppet boy, looked at the raven, "But can you see?" With that, the Uchiha chuckled nervously, "Not really, no..." and that's when everything when dark for the poor, horrified little redhead.

Test 1 result, failure, but success for instant body cleansing.

Test 2:

"UCHIHA!" Practically breaking down the door the raven looked around Sasori's room, "WHAT'S WRONG?!" Staring at the dumbass in his doorless doorway Sasori tried not to insta-kill him, "YOU OWE ME A NEW FUCKING DOOR!!!!!!!!!!"

Flinching at the furious redhead, the Uchiha looked down guilty, "I thought you were in trouble..." At this, the puppet sighed, "You are so damn lucky, I care about your stupid ass!"

With this, he shoved the new concoction down Itachi's throat and waited, but the result was so instant he nearly got whiplash. "HOLY SHI-!"

The Uchiha smiled so widely it was terrifying, and his eyes glowed neon green like they were radioactive before he zoomed around the room, knocking everything, including Danna, to the ground.

Sasori heard clangs and saw his dented or busted can of Pledge and other wood polishers, "NO! Mon amour, Mon ange, Mon trésor, Mon coeur! SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!!!!" Deidara, who was watching this freakshow from his bed, glared down at the redhead, "You never say any of that to me!"

That made the redhead bolt after the hyperactive Uchiha rather than stay and deal with his pissed-off boyfriend. After gathering the whole Akatsuki, chasing Itachi around the base for 8 hours, and trying not to break their necks on the damage and debris everywhere, they finally managed to catch and inject the boy with a sedative.

Test 2 result, horrific failure, but great for anyone doing a graveyard shift.

Test 99:

By this point, the Uchiha was terrified of his adorable redhead friend and his horrific experiments.

He's come up with a cure for everything BUT his sight!