It's a Cold World Without You

It's a Cold World Without You 4

Hailey woke with a start in the morning. Reaching over, she quickly silenced her alarm clock. She rubbed at her eyes and her hands came away streaked with black. She frowned, wondering why she hadn't removed her make-up last night. As she got she realized she was still wearing skinny jeans, too. Not the most comfortable thing to sleep in. As she stumbled over to the bathroom, she remembered last nights events and the cemetary. She peeled off her day old clothes and stepped under the stream of hot water. She stood there for about 15 minutes, slowly turning the water hotter and hotter but it always felt cold on her skin. After washing her hair, she stepped out of the shower wrapping a large towel around herself. When Hailey looked in the mirror, she noticed the skin of her shoulders, neck and face were bright red. She looked down, noticing the rest of her body was the same colour. She shrugged her shoulders, guessing the water was a little bit hotter than she had thought.  

By the time Hailey had blow dried her blond hair straight, and was standing in her closet wearing nothing but her bra and underpants, the red colour marking her skin had faded. She was wondering what she should wear and turned to come face to face with her full length mirror. Her pale skin looked stark white compared to her black bra and underware. The bones in her face were more prominent, and her skin appeared to be strechted tighter over them. Her collarbone and wrists stuck out, too, and she could almost count her ribs on each side. Her green-gold eyes held less colour then usual, and looked sunken and tired. Even her hair seemed dull. She sighed, unpleased with her appearence and turned away from the mirror. 

She slipped on the first clothes she touched and rushed out of the house to school.  

*** 

 

At school, Hailey decided to go sit at the table her and Kyle used to sit at with their friends. She hadn't spoken one word to any of her friends in the past week, if they didn't understand why she really didn't care.  

She took her usual seat, and suddenly everyone at the table was silent, all eyes trained on her. She stared back, and everyone seemed frozen for forever. Thakfully, though, a petit brunette, Claire spoke up. She greeted Hailey with, "Hey, Hail," and a small smile. Hailey returned what she thought would hopefully look like a smile and nodded to the girl. Soon, everyone followed Claire's example, and rent back to their conversation. They tried to include Hailey by saying things to her that she could simply nod her head to, not forcing her to say anything.  

When the bell rang, signaling kids to get to first period, the group stood up. Claire looked at Hailey hopefully,"You'll sit with us at lunch?" Hailey said, "Sure, see you then." Claire smiled hugely and bounced her way to class. Those were the most words Hailey had spoken in a week and her voice had come out much smaller and softer then it ever had before.  

Morning classes had passes without Hailey have to pay much attention, and soon the bell for lunch rang.  

She walked into the cafeteria and sat down next to Claire, who gave her a one armed hug and whispered, "I'm so happy to have you here."  

Hailey didn't respond, she didn't know how to.

Soon, the lunch table was full and everyone was talking loudly. Hailey looked around, feeling slightly out of place. All the faces were familiar, the same as before. She found that unnerving , because nothing could be the same as before. Everything had changed and nothing was coming back, so why did things seem so familiar?

Someone was shaking her now and Hailey's gazed shifted to the hand gripping her shoulder all the way to the face of the person it belonged to. Claire.

"You okay, Hailey?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah..." Hailey tried to process what Claire had said more quickly. "Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"

"I was talking to you, but you were just kind of staring at nothing..." Claire explained, looking concerned.

"Sorry, Claire, I was just spacing out, I guess" Hailey laughed nervously. "What were you saying?"

"I was just wondering if you were going to eat lunch?" Claire eyed the empty table space in from of Hailey, and then took in Hailey's thin form.

Hailey took notice of everyone else's food for the first time since sitting down. She looked at Claire with her mouth twisted up wryly, murmuring, "Not really hungry.

Claire looked at Hailey worriedly, but didn't say anything, and turned her attention back to eating her own lunch.

Hailey knew she wouldn't put up with this kind of behavior for long, though, and Hailey didn't know how long it would last. She figured she would be this way forever. She continued to space out, thinking about everything and noting, if that makes sense.

She just sat there, staring at a spot on the wall across the cafeteria, until someone plopped down on her other side.

Hailey's head whipped around, startled as she was by the sudden movement beside her.

Two bright blue eyes were looking amused. She let out a breath, it was Ryan, a friend of Kyle's.

He leaned over to whisper, "Hey," into her ear, his breath tickling the skin on her neck. 

"Hi," Hailey replied just as quiet. "What do you want?"

He pulled back, a sad expression on his face. "I was wondering how you were. " he stated, never looking away from her gold-green eyes.

She held his gaze for a moment before looking away and mumbling, "I'm fine, Ryan."

He took hold of her chin and gently brought her eyes back to his. "I think you're lying to me, Hailey."

"Then, what do you want me to say?" She didn't want to admit just how not fine she really was.

"I only want the truth from you, Hale. You don't have to lie to me, not ever."

That was weired coming from Ryan. Hailey was confused because he'd really been Kyle's friend, not hers. Ryan and Hailey had never really spent time together unless Kyle was there, too.

"Now, how are you really?" He asked her, searching her face.

She sighed, "I don't know."  That was the truth.

At that moment, Ryan pulled her into his arms. He couldn't stand to hear the defeat in his voice and watch her mask drop to reveal her pain and not do anything about it.

She tucked her head underneath his chin and wrapped her thin arms around his waist. "I don't know." she repeated, closing her eyes.

Hailey was so small and fragile in Ryan's arms. He was afraid that if he held her too tight she'd break, and if the didn't hold her tight enough she'd fall apart. He rested his chin atop her blond head, and closed his eyes.