It's a Cold World Without You

It's a Cold World Without You 5

Ryan and Hailey pulled away from each other, she went back to watching the people in the lunchroom and he went back to eating. Strangely enough, it wasn't awkward between them. They both felt a little better, like only the two of them could understand what it meant for Kyle to be gone. Hailey could breathe for the first time in a week without feeling a crushing weight, and Ryan felt like for the first time since that last party he could let his guard down. 

Hailey's phone started vibrating in her pocket and she pulled it out.

Ryan noticed the frown forming on her face as she looked at the caller display and asked, "What's wrong, Hailey?

"It's my mom, she hasn't spoken to me in a week...." she trailed off as she flipped open her phone to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hailey, it's your Aunt Diana."

"Aunt Diana? Hey, watcha doin' at our place?"

"I think you should come home, sweetie. There are some things I'd like to discuss with you." Hailey's aunt told her seriously.

"I'm at school, Dede." Hailey replied, using the nickname she'd given her aunt when she was young.

"I know, but this is important."

"Is everything okay? Is Mom okay?" Hailey was starting to get really worried by her aunt's tone.

"Your mother is just as fine as when you left for school this morning, Hailey. Just please come home?"

"Okay, Aunt Dede, I'll be there in a bit." Hailey said as she hung up.

Ryan glanced at her confused face and frowned, "Is everything alright, Hales?"

"I don't know, but I gotta go home..."

"Let me drive you," he offered, standing up.

She shook her head and stood up as well, "No, you'll get in trouble for ditching."

"It's not a problem, I want to." He extended his hand for Hailey to take.

She eyed him dubiously before shrugging and taking his outstretched hand. "Fine, it's your detention."

He smiled at that, "Well, I suppose it will be. But it'll be worth it," he assured her.

"And why is that?" she wondered.

"I'll get to spend more time with you," he smiled brightly at her.

"That's not worth anything," she muttered. Ryan frowned, but let it drop as they'd reached his car.

The drive to her house was short and silent. Neither of them minded as it was a comfortable silence. They were both wondering why it was such a comfortable silence, though. Hailey and Ryan had never spent much time together, and never alone. They had always been accompanied by Kyle and usually Claire as well. 

Hailey felt the weight she had grown accustomed to carrying over the past week, lift ever so slightly for every second she spent with Ryan. As if he were taking it upon himself.

Ryan felt less guarded around Hailey then anyone else this past week. Well it was true they hung around a large group and had many friends, Kyle had been like a brother to Ryan. His loss was more than he could take, and he thought no one could understand that. But Hailey could, and just knowing that let him feel more like himself than he had all week long.

Ryan glanced over at Hailey, who was looking out the window, lost in thought. He took notice of her new clothes. Dark. Like Kyle had been. He felt sympathy wash over him as he realized this was Hailey's way of keeping Kyle with her. She wore black converse, identical to the ones Kyle had just a smaller size. She also had on black jeans, and a grey tank top covered by Kyle's black hoodie. Her make-up changed too. She now wore black eyeliner and eyeshadow, granted it was applied perfectly so she didn't look weird. She just didn't look like herself.  She used to be so light and happy. 

Hailey felt Ryan's eyes on her and lifted her head from where it rested on the window. He was looking at her questioningly and she didn't understand it. But she was too tired to find out what he wanted so she put her head back down and closed her eyes, feeling almost defeated. 

Ryan pulled into her driveway and looked at her again. She had fallen asleep, but it didn't look peaceful at all. Her body was tense and she was frowning.

He put his hand on her shoulder and said her name gently.

Hailey woke with a start, and looked a Ryan with a confused expression.

"We're here," he told her, gentle as ever.

She looked passed him to see her house. Hailey's expression turned from confusion to horror.

"Hailey," Ryan said, a slight edge of panic seeping into his voice. 'What's wrong?"

She quickly recovered, and Ryan saw that same mask she'd been wearing all week fall back into place.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Everything's fine." She noticed him eyeing her dubiously. She layed her hand on his arm and whispered, "Really, Ryan, everything'll be fine."

Her touch calmed him so much, he hadn't noticed her other hand opening the car door or her slipping out quietly. He only noticed she was gone once her calming touch was gone with her.

He shook his head and drove back to school, his mind reeling from the past hour or so.

Hailey stood in front of her door, unsure of what was waiting for her. She wished could stay with Ryan, it was easier to comfort and reassure him than it was herself. She felt calm when he was calm.

She slowly open the door and slipped into the house that she could no longer call a home. It can't possibly be a home without him. 

She saw her mom asleep on the couch, exactly as she had been this morning.

Hailey walked into the kitchen, where Diana was. Her aunt turned around, having heard Hailey's entrance, and nearly spit out the water she was about to swallow. 

After choking for several seconds, Diana regained control over herself and gasped, "Hailey, what happened to you?"

Hailey hadn't been expecting that, and stared at her aunt, dumbfounded. "What?"

"Your clothes, your pretty face..." Diana motioned to her niece's black-clad body as she stepped closer to lay her hand on Hailey's face.

"Why have you done this to yourself? So much has come to be expected of Kyle but you always looked so pretty and colourful..."

Hailey cut Diana off as she whirled around violently. She took deep breaths in a vain attempt to calm down. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." Diana murmured from behind her.

Hailey shrugged it off and got a water bottle from the fridge. As she unscrewed the cap she asked, "So, what was the big emergency that my studies had to be interrupted?"

Diana didn't miss the sarcasm in Hailey's voice but decided not to pursue it. "Well, for one thing, how's your mother holding up?"

"I don't know, she hasn't spoken to me since last Wednesday." Wednesday was the day before Kyle passed. Diana thought about this new bit of information before asking, "Does she ever get up?" 

"Occasionally. You know, to eat and stuff."

"Hm, and how are you holding up, Hailey?"

"I'm fine," she responded, somewhat stiffly.

"Well, I'll stay for a while to see to it that you are," Diana told her niece, watching her face closely.

Hailey refused to react. She was pleased that she was becoming quite good at settling an emotionless mask across her features. She nodded to her aunt and made her way up the stairs and collapsed on her bed.

Of course, she couldn't sleep. She didn't mind much anymore, though. And so she stared up at her ceiling. She considered eating, but couldn't stomach the thought of food at the time so gave the idea up. 

Hailey lay on her bed, sleep evading her, until even her aunt turned in for the night.