you'd think i'd be more relaxed considering i'm high
i don't like forcing myself to write
then it feels artificial
so now i'm not sure what to say
i don't want to just fill the pages
but in order to write something with meaning i suppose i have to feel something
anything
so then where do i end up
how do i feel
sometimes it sneaks up on me & holds me underwater
not necessarily bad feelings
just wholesome ones
love perhaps
dom
uncomfortable comfort
i'm too used to the hamster wheel
have you ever seen a hamster hopping off a wheel after running so fast
or a person on a treadmill at full speed then suddenly
stopping
my balance is off
but having breakfast with your family on sunday morning after waking up next to you
is wholesome
cleaning your bathroom with you in nothing but a towel and dripping wet hair
poking your sides as you scrub the porcelain shelves
throwing apples at you in the orchard on cool sunday afternoon in october
wholesome
maybe i forgot what that feels like
the balance is off
i love you
but i'm a narcissist
and a sociopath
and i forgot what it's like to feel
and i'm afraid what would happen if i remember
that's why i forget so easily
i forget to feel
i'm not on the boat
it's getting breezy
a cool breeze
hahahahaha
