Lost Herself On The Way 👣

Part 7 👣

I don't understand why I feel lost and broken, I have never been in this mixture of emotions. It just confuses me to the extent I don't understand anything at all. Nothing makes sense and a lot of shit runs in my head that atleast doesn't make sense to me or others, to be honest. Why do I feel this stressed is an understatement. I was just living my own little happy life and just like that everything collapsed in just mere days. The main thing what I don't understand is why do I feel like I'm broken or someone can tell it as a heartbreak or whatever, this shit what I'm experiencing right now is a real hard thing and not knowing how to overcome is something even worse. I just pretend I don't care infront of everyone because I can't risk explaining what at-least I cant figure out. Why did everything just had to crumble when it just only started to go good...
The main reason for the current situation is that I'm just put into a situation where I, all of a sudden started questioning what my worth is and the purpose of living with dreams. After I finally said to process this proposal I really expected it to go smooth and as always, nothing has ever gone smooth for me. Today it is almost two whole weeks since I accepted the proposal and they still choose to remain silent and we resulted being clueless for no reason after all it all started there. Mom and dad both are equally stressed out and worried but they just pretend it's fine. It just feels like a heavy weight is kept on my head and it feels like a real burden. I only spoke when it is wanted and choose shut down and I know my parents are worried that they hurt me but right now that's how I can keep myself calm and quite or else I don't know what would happen if I just burst letting my confused emotions out. I always kept on texting and doing voice recording with Zara with whom I constantly shared each and every confusion I go through and beside my own confused self she herself was going through the same scenario just listening to me silently, most of the time she got headaches than me listening to my blabbering. ' Sarah I'm really having a bad headache I'll sleep for sometime and get back to you, so please you too better have a nap', Sarah please stop overthinking and overreacting!, Sarah all good?,Put your trust in Allah, .... these were Zara's words and she constantly kept track on me.
And after many long days at home today I decided to pay a visit to my school and catch up with my school mates, so yeah I made it to school with dad. I spent some time with Selena and Verna at school and I left with Verna to her place, to just chill. 'I'm so excited that you are finally coming to my place' said Verna all the way to her place. 'I'm really happy that Sarah came here and it's the first time a Muslim friend of Verna visiting our house, make your self comfortable dear I'll arrange lunch, and Sarah dear you can loosen up your shawl because uncle is not coming home till late and also there's no any gents around' said Verna's mom. After having lunch which was delicious, we made it to their workplace which is waxing of dress, that was super awesome we waxed and enjoyed a lot with the workers there. I felt really good and peaceful after some hectic days and it really made me feel lively again. Finally it was time for me to leave and I made my way home as dad came to pick me up. The ride was me telling the stuff to dad we did together and the rest of the drive was a comfortable silence. When my destination was closer I started to feel the same heavy feeling within me, no matter how much I try to get rid of it but that doesn't seem to work out. I entered home and I was not feeling the same what I was feeling an hour ago, but then I fought it back as much as possible and told mom and Areeza on all the events that happened and finally mom said 'Sarah don't keep thinking about anything you go ahead with your usual routine and leave it to Allah, when time comes everything will fall into the right place, I think you have to finally get over it, whatever that disturbs you right now is not worth it' said mom. I finally understood that there was something in what she tells, so I let it go anyways. Even though I didn't know who the guy is (Rayyan), but something just kept bugging me.
I texted Zara on what mom said and she said that's good, finally now you don't have to worry about anything anymore.
I thought to myself how deep is choosing a life partner , I realized it is not easy to find the right one who you expect in this huge world. How can you decide a person who comes to your life within just a short period of time with whom you gonna live for the rest of your life? I realized how critical it is to choose the right one and it's not a simple go to go thing which we thought was an easy task when schooling. I dozed off while millions of things kept popping up in my head which I never knew that I had in my head, I never realized that how serious life is until this situation crossed my life.

I pray to Allah that each and every person on this earth would find their right partner when time comes with ease. Aameen !

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