Behind the Scenes of an Eating Disorder

Childhood

My childhood is the reason I started being scared of food. My parents made a ton of food rules. I always had a bad relationship with food. I got scared to eat candy or sugar in front of my parents, so I snuck it in my room and ate it there because I was ashamed of myself for eating it. Of course, my mom found the wrappers and yelled at me for being a closet eater, and she told me if I kept doing that, I'm going to get fat. My dumbass kept sneaking it because I thought that food was my savior. Until I was finished, then, I felt guilty and fat. After multiple times my mom told me she was going to put all the wrappers in my bed, and I had to sleep in it because I am trash, and I need to sleep in my trash. Whenever I eat, all I can think about now is my mom talking about how I'm a closet eater and how I am fat. If I wouldn't have eaten that candy or food, I don't think I would've had my eating disorder.

But my mom didn't just say horrible things about food to me, she also said it to my sister. My sister ate carbs and bread a lot because she liked it. We were watching the Biggest Loser, (probably not the best idea haha) and there was a boy named Bingo who was over 300 pounds and ate a lot of carbs. My mom used to tell my sister every time she ate carbs that she is going to look like Bingo.

I learned that food was the enemy, and it is going to make you fat and ugly. Then Britany came and told me I was fat. She said if I stopped eating, food wouldn't be my enemy anymore and I listened for a long time.