Watch and Learn

Chapter Two

"You are moving to Ireland." His expresion was completely stoic and his voice was flat as my chest was up until last year. I coudn't tell what he was thinking; I didn't think I wanted to know what disapointment lain behind his gray eyes.

"Yeah, Dad." I said quietly. For the first time since I heard the news, since I told my mom that I was okay with this, the ghost of a tear fell from my bottom eyelashes grazing my cheekbone on its way down to the floor. "I know."

He didn't say anything for a moment- a moment too long. The silence ached on painfully as I knew my mom was waiting in the car just down the street even though I told her not to. The silence grew painful as I looked deep into the wrinkles in my dad's face that were no longer smiling like I remembered from my childhood. The silence broke as I finally let out the sob that I had held in since the divorce.

My dad held me close. He never liked hugs, not once in all of the time I've known him. But for that moment after the silence broke, he suddenly felt less like "Joey" and more like Dad. Finally, he was dad, and I was going to leave that behind? The confusion set in, the stress, the realization of what I was leaving behind and I fell further into my dad's arms in tears.

"You know I've never liked hugs."

My limp strawberry blond hair flew into my face as I pulled away. I knew it was too good! Suddenly leaving felt a lot easier, but only for a moment because half a second after the flurry of derogatory thoughts took over my mind, my father's low voice said, "But if I won't see you for a year, I can make an exception."

Dad had always confused me, toyed with my emotions, drove me crazy, yet I loved him like hell loved fire.
Never mind. My dad is undescribable. I give up on trying to figure him out. I gave up then too.
"Sorry," I said. "I'm going to pass... I need to go meet one of my friends before... you know."
"Wait..." He trailed off.
"I'll text you." I said succinctly, then strutted out the door. I felt like crying, heck there were tears left over from my last cry, but somehow I held myself composed until I reached my mom's car.
"Why didn't you text me?" She asked.
I didn't respond. She knew what that meant.
"That bad?" It was quiet, and I could hear hints of disappointment in the fluctuation of her tone.
Again I stayed quiet. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks leaving a burning feeling on my skin as though they were boiling. I hadn't wanted to end things badly with my dad!
"Can you take me to Sarah's?" I asked shakily.
"Yes."
We drove in relative silence, the only sounds being my occasional sob, her occasional sigh, and the Camry's engine as it rolled steadily down the highway. About halfway to Sarah's I almost told my mom to go home and let me drive myself, but I held my tongue.

Sarah's older brother Jesse answered the door- his hair was dark and messy like usual, and he was awkward as usual. I felt a little bit better seeing the familiar expressions on his face, even more so when I heard the thump of Sarah bounding out of her bedroom in response to Jesse's call.

"Hey! 'Sup?" She said when she reached the door, at first chipper, then looking a little worried.
"I saw my dad and in two days I'll be on an airplane."
Sarah ushered me inside past her brother and down the hall to her bedroom. "Joey problems? Or is it more about the move?"
"Both."
"Sensible."
"What?"
"Well, if you were more focused on a single one I'd be worried." I giggled lightly, but it sounded a tad bit forced in afterthought.
"Right, well... I didn't want to go home cause, well..."
"Everything's packed away and your childhood home looks kinda empty."
"Yeah."
"So come crash at my humble abode!" I looked around Sarah's bedroom and for once payed close attention to the posters that lined her deep purple walls.

"Well, the apartment is comfy!"
"Not when Jesse and Mom are fighting about college!"
"I suppose..."
"Lucky only child..."
"Shut up! You know I'd love to have a sister!"

And just like that I felt better. Well, I wish I could say that. More accurately, the joking around helped me accept that not everything in the world had to change. It made things a little better anyway.

Two days later there were a few tears and many more tight hugs before my mother and I set off on the seven and a half hour journey to Derry. Boarding the plane was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It had a smell to it that was so sterile it burned my nostrils. The plane was the largest I had ever seen with three aisles, the two on the end each having two seats per row and the one in the middle having four. Each seat had a personal screen on the back of it for the person behind to use.

Maybe at least the flight I could try to enjoy. My mom had allowed me the window seat in our little row. Across the aisle from us was an older man who had already fallen asleep. Behind me sat a young girl who thankfully looked to be the shy, non-kicking type. The screens all turned on simaltaneously as the large aircraft started to roll slowly away from the terminal. A safety video played, but in my distant haze I more or less tuned it out.

I didn't notice when the plane took off, nor when the smiling flight attendant came around to pass out sleep masks and earplugs. Eventually I got bored enough at staring out the window into the blackness that was my country that I turned away and fell instead to the blackness of my eyelids allowing me to sleep.

My mom gently shook me awake not two hours later to the sight of our flight attendant with a box of something that appeared to be breakfast. I accepted the meal of an english muffin/egg breakfast sandwich and various other fixings. I finished it quickly, barely tasting the food that I shoved past my lips.

"Okay?" My mom asked me softly, hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah."

I couldn't fall back to sleep, so I subjected myself to re-watching a romantic comedy I had seen months ago with Sarah and Lily.

It seemed to take years, but the plane finally landed in one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen. The breathtaking green of the fall day almost made the move worth it. Almost, but something was missing. The beautiful sights and fresh feelings couldn't fill the gap I already felt. The longing for home.