Ch8: My fault?

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Ever since that chat with Phoenix,Miles made sure he was okay whenever he had the opportunity. At school,At there play dates and sleepovers,In the letters and etc. Even though Phoenix would never admit it,it got on his nerves. He adored the fact that Miles truly cared for him but it was getting annoying and Miles was annoying.
Sometimes Phoenix would doubt himself.
"Am I being too harsh? Miles is just looking out for me. He isn't obsessed with me don't worry Phoenix...or..or is he? No no. Miles is just a friend. A very clingy one. Isn't that what friends are for? Looking out for each other? Even if it means following me wherever I go? Even if it means glaring at anyone who talks to me? Even if it means interrupting me when I want to speak about my opinions?..just..shut up Phoenix. This is my fault. If I never spoke to him he wouldn't be acting like this..is it my fault? Yeah.. it is. It isn't his fault at all. He's just looking out for me..that's all.."
But as months and weeks go by phoenix began doubting miles.
- -    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -
"Greetings Phoenix. How are you feeling today? Anything to talk about?"
N-no miles I'm fine. How are you?
"Are you sure? You look sad. Do you want to talk about it? Anyone hurting yo-"
Miles. Please. No one is hurting me. I'm perfectly fine. How are you..?
"Phoenix please don't lie to me. If something is troubling you,you must tell me so I know how to help you."
Miles! Please!! I'm fine!
"Phoenix please don't raise your voice. I just want to know if you are okay."
Miles. I know you do. And I love that. It's just.,you ask me waay to much. If something was troubling me I would tell you!
"You didn't last time."
L-last time?
"Remember a week ago I asked if you were alright and you said yes? Your eyes were all puffy and red. You lied to me Phoenix.."
Oh my god Miles! I fell over! Yes I cried for a bit but I was fine! Please stop bringing up things from the past. I'm fine!
"You do know that the word "I'm fine" is one of the biggest lies told by humans?"
What..?
"What I'm saying is you could be lying to me and I wouldn't know."
Miles..
"And you could be secretly hurting yourself or your father is hurting you."
Miles!
"Or you could-"
MILES FOR GOD SAKE IM FINE STOP FREAKING ASKIN'!
"..."
...I'm sorry...
"...It's fine.."
H-how are you..?
"..I am okay..don't worry"
-    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -    - -   -
Phoenix couldn't lie,he adored Miles. He admired him for his bravery and intelligence and kindness and..Oh he was rambling wasn't he? To put it short he loved Miles. W-wait! Uh not like t-that..he..he just..sees him as a friend..yeah...friend...
Even though Miles was a bit too.."clingy" Phoenix couldn't live without him.
In Phoenixes eyes Miles was his saviour..cheesy I know..but miles made Phoenix feel like he was everything. He made him feel loved. Something his father couldn't do.
Though sometimes he felt like he wasn't good enough for Miles.
Even though miles said he didn't have any standards and didn't care how intelligent Phoenix was,Phoenix couldn't help but think he wasn't good enough.
What would the most smartest and popularise kid in the class want with a wimpy crybaby like Phoenix?
What does miles actually want with Phoenix?
Does he want to use him?
Does he actually want to be his friend?
Does he want to get phoenixes EVERY secret out of him so he can leak them?
Does he want to manipulate him?
Hurt him?
Lie to him?
Leave him to suffer?
Why would he bother with Phoenix?
Why didn't he just continue walking when he bumped into Phoenix?
Why didn't he laugh whenever Phoenix would cry?
Why did he stick up and lie for Phoenix?
Why did miles take the blame when Phoenix broke something?
Why did miles get the detention instead of Phoenix?
So many questions.
And no answers.

Though..even if they were such amazing friends..they would get into fights. Like any normal friendship

One particular fight however..it stuck with phoenix forever..and boy does he regret every single word.
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Miles stop asking if I'm okay! Why do you keep asking me!? How many times do I have to tell you before you get it through your skull?! I swear if you ask one more time I'm going to snap miles!
"It's because I care for you Phoenix..Also..please do not raise your voice. We are in public."
Yeah right.
Why would you care?
Didn't your father make another students mother get life in prison?
"Phoenix! They murdered someone and blamed it on another person! Don't accuse my father of-"
Doesn't your father help criminals get the non guilty-verdict?
"Phoenix they are innocent! Not criminals! My father helps innocent people! Stop being a jerk!"
I'm being the jerk? Your father helps criminals! It's not even a good job.
"PHOENIX. Stop portraying my father as a evil man! He's the best!"
Prosecutors are way better. They actually put evil people in jail Miles! Stop being so blind and open up your eyes!
"PHOENIX STOP IT! IF YOU'RE GOING TO BLAME ME FOR MY FATHERS JOB WHY ARE YOU MY FRIEND?! If attorneys are so evil am I evil too if I'm the son of one?! What's your problem against attorneys?? What did they do to you?!"
..Miles...
"Don't Miles me. Go away."
..w..wait miles I didn't-
"Shut up. LEAVE ME ALONE. You can also forget about that play-date."
Miles I'm sorry! Please- I was just-
"You were just what?"
I was just being mean for no reason I'm sorry!
"Phoenix. I know we have fights sometimes and id always forgive you..but this? I need to think. In the meantime..try to answer this question.."
Q-question..?
"Why do you really hate Defense attorneys? Don't say 'because they help criminals'..be honest. Now I'm going home. Il see you on Monday."
Miles..
"See you later..Phoenix."
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
After that particular fight..they were still friends
Just..didn't have that much of a strong bond.
Phoenixes words cut into Miles heart like a dagger and it scarred him.
Miles thinks it's stupid that those words hurt him a lot.
But..when someone your in love with talks shit about another person you care deeply for..it's..confusing.

Which do I believe?
Is my dad really bad? No. No he isn't..Phoenix is just being a jerk..a huge fuckin jerk..but..maybe he is right about one thing?
No! No he isn't. I got to stop obsessing over Phoenix.
I can't always be there for him.
Even if I do love him..
I just can't.
He obviously doesn't feel the same.
Maybe..he does..?
I don't know..
Besides I should be lucky he's even my friend.

I shouldn't be too hard on Phoenix.
Besides

It's all my fault..isn't it?

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