Without Entitlements

1: Life continues.

17 years old:
I woke up to another day of getting ready and my wandering through the gardens. I think I heard father calling for me, but once I turn around he is not there. I don't know why I am surprise by it, it has been a year since he stopped coming to get me for breakfast. His health has been getting worse and now he only has energy to do the accounting work and dealing with our tenants from time to time. I have taken over the managing of the manor, it is not much since the maids help me all the time and my governess as well, seeing as it is her duty to teach me just that. I don't take any lessons anymore, apart from the few things my governess teaches me everyday and my piano practices.
I go inside to eat breakfast just as my dad is getting into the breakfast room. I cannot help but notice how tired he looks, even as he attempts to give me an encouraging smile. My father has refused to let any doctor see him, since he doesn't believe they can help him. I go over to him and hug him just as I have always done. He returns my hug and we sit down to have our breakfast. I do must of the conversation trying to motivate him, but the great grieving he have had inside him since mother died, has being growing everyday more.
After breakfast, my day consists of supervising that everything around the house is fine and answering the letters of relatives. None of our relatives know about my papa's health since he asked me to keep it like that. The only one that knows is papa's best friend, Mr. Gregsby. He hasn't mentioned anything to Edward and as a result I haven't done so either. Edward is still studying in the north and none of us want to worry him. In the beginning we wrote letters to each others as much as we could, but now they are more scarce. I guess we have both become busier. I haven't seen him in 5 years because his family always go to visit him instead of him coming home. I wonder how he looks now and how he acts. Would he still be the serious yet caring boy that I knew or would he have changed completely?
After answering all the letters and supervising some more around the house, I eat my lunch in the kitchen. I know papa must have taken his lunch in his bed chamber and fallen asleep afterwards, his energy is leaving him everyday more. I go practice on my piano to see if I can escape reality for a little while. I wish I could take more care of him, but every time I tried in the past he has gotten very angry and refused all together. I go to have dinner and papa is still nowhere in sight, my governess comes to tell me he is not feeling well enough to get out of the bed, so she ends up eating with me.
After dinner, I wish everyone a goodnight, and go read the romance novel I was about to finish. Afterwards, I go to sleep just when I finish my prayers-- they now consist of only my father's health and my wishes for mamma.

18 years old:
In a year papa's health hasn't improved, but at least he has relented to get help from a doctor. The town doctor is still trying to figure out what is wrong with him, we all have hope that soon they can find a cure for papa to recover. Meanwhile, I have started to take care of the meeting with the tenants and the accountants book with the help of papa every time I don't know something. I don't have a governess anymore since she got a proposal and left to get marry. She still visits us from time to time, but I'm alone to take care of the manor.
Right now I am in the kitchen helping to get the tea and scones ready for the priest that have come visit my papa and pray for him. I really thank him for taking the time, my prayers haven't helped yet, but I trust God knows what is best.
As I finish setting everything for tea, the priest comes into the room.
"I must say Janet, I admire how strong you keep yourself through all of this, I'm happy your papa agreed to seeing a doctor. Now everything is in the hands of God and he would know what to do." He says.
"Amen, Reverend." I reply, "would you like to take some tea, we just finished preparing it." The priest agrees and seats down, he tries to encourage me and congratulates me for being so strong. He leaves after we are finished and I go check on papa.
He is sleeping again, so I kiss his head and leave the room quietly to go visit the Gregsby residence. I have been teaching Amy, Mary's younger sibling, how to play the piano. I enjoy teaching her, since I can play for myself and get distracted with Mary's talk about anything and everything. Mary doesn't like playing piano, she is more interested in fashion and aware of all the gossip in town. She used to ask me a lot more about how I was doing with my papa's situation, but she understood after a while that I prefer she talk about anything else for the sake of forgetting my worries for a moment. I appreciate how she knows what I need as a friend and how she supports me no matter what. After coming over from the Gregsby residence, I visit papa and talk to him about my day and anything that could make him a little more happy. I managed to make him laugh about my clumsiness in the kitchen today when I was trying to get the flour for the scones. That laugh made me so happy that for the first time in a long time I went to sleep with a smile on my face, hoping that the next day would bring more of them.