lunatic

Chapter 4

I wake to mum climbing the stairs, coming to wake me up. I wonder why. She never makes me get out of bed. I didn't sleep much last night. I woke many times sweating really badly.

"Sweets! We are going shopping!" mum yells from my door. I sigh and get out of bed. I walked to the door and open it. I had to unlock the door. I always slept with the door locked but sometimes i would leave it unlocked, like the other night for mum.

"Do i have to?" I ask opening the door to see mums gotten all dressed up for this. She's wearing fish stockings and really short shorts. She's wearing her lil monster top and her red and black jacket, with her gun inside of it. She laughs and skips into my room. She loves shopping.

"Yes! You start school Monday, it's Friday today. I know you might not want to go to school but your going. Might as well spend a hell of a lot of money on it" she giggles. I sigh

After I'm dressed in what I wore yesterday, I head down stairs. Dads really to go out as well, but he's not coming, he's going to the club. He kisses my head.

"Good morning princess, have a good day." he says, he kisses mum deeply before walking out the front door, followed by tom and Jake. Tom looks over at me before walking out the door. Nobody seems to notice, but I do. I roll my eyes and look back to mum.

"What are we shopping for?" I ask as we both headed for the front door.

Afters she's explained what we are doing for the tenth time i sigh again. She doesn't seem to realise i don't want to do this. She said i was getting a school aproved outfit. And some stuff to write with and books. I need textbooks for the year. It turns out that I'm starting for the start of the year. I didn't even notice that school start in February.

We take hours looking for things. By the end I have a couple new black or purple dresses. Some shorts and high stockings. I have a nice blank and purple dressy jacket. I also got a few normal people tops, and some jeans. I don't want to stand out at school, which is going to be hard. The day went by fast. We got my textbooks and I got 2 books that have 5 different sections in them. I like those books. One has a purple cover and the other has a black. Mum still isn't liking the new sudden liking for black. I love it though. Love making her guess about me. It's not about the attention, it's more like the fact that she has to think about it.

When we get home dads sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of whiskey. He's had a bad day. I grab the bags from mum and take them upstairs. Mum knows what to do. I put all the bags down on the ground and tip them out.

After a while i've got all the clothes in my wardrobe, I'm my ocd order. I know what I'm wearing everyday for all next week and i have a plan about the week after. I'm sorting my books when I hear something hit my window. I walk over to it. Sometimes I forget I even have a window. I look out the window, I'm on the second story of the house. I look down to the ground but I can't see anything. I look into the tree that sits not far from ym window. If i were to open my window, get out and stand on the ledge and jump, I would be able to get to a branch and pull myself up into the tree. My window has a little place where you could fit maybe one foot if you were trying to stand outside my window. I don't know why I thought of that but it seemed to cross my mind. I shrug and go back to working through my stuff, trying to make sure it's all ready for school. No matter how much i don't want to go, I will go. And when i go i don't want to be unorganized. I don't want to stand out. I want to blend in.

I'm walking around my room, taking a break from sorting things. It's been half an hour since i heard something outside my window. The reason I'm keeping track of it is because I have nothing better to do. The sun is only just starting to go down now. I feel like this day has dragged on for such a long time. I don't know why my days dragging out. I know deep down why. I really can't wait to be a normal kid going to school. So many children long to be different or fit in. I want to be normal. I don't want to fit in, but i want to get along with people. Most of the people I've met are adults and they never are allowed to talk to me. I want to make my own name, not live under my family. I walk over to my door and stick my head out. I try seeing downstairs without my parents seeing me being a sticky peak. They don't see me. Mums rubbing dads shoulders while he's talking. I've been upstairs for such a long time. I go back into my room, locking the door behind me. I hate that I feel like this. I don't want to feel like I have nothing to do. I don't like being bored, something i get from my mum. She hates being bored more than me but i don't like it. I don't want to sit back down and start sorting things again. I have done enough for tonight. I sit down on my bed. I want to start a hobby. I feel different lately. I don't know what it is. I feel like it was only a day or two ago that i couldn't sit on my bed and just think. Now I'm feeling lost. I don't know what gave me this feeling but I don't like it. It's new. I don't really like feeling things i haven't felt before. It makes me feel out of control. I don't like not having control of myself.