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I Finally Stopped Hiding Under My Desk After 13 Hours

Okay, I know some of you have been waiting for an update but a lot has happened since I posted the first bit. I'm happy to tell you that I'm fine, I somehow lived, and am now at home... I just wish my wife wasn't making goddamn FUCKING SALMON CASSEROLE.

Okay before I tell you what happened, hear me out. I get it, tuna casserole is traditional, tastes great and when you add just the right amount of celery with a pinch of salt, it typically comes out great. Top of the fucking line gourmet Caucasian cuisine. Now what I don't get (and I got a LOT of people in my DMs vocalizing the same thing) is who the hell spends nearly $30 per pound on salmon and puts it in a fucking casserole? I'll tell you who. Dave's fucking wife. She then told MY wife "hey Maggie, want a great dish your husband will love?" and my wife was all like "oh hell yeah my dude." So now I have enough damn salmon casserole to last me a goddamn eternity.

You may be asking yourself how much salmon casserole is that? Well I'll tell you. ANY AMOUNT. Because I'm not eating that shit. Dave ate it and he was miserable. Give me macabre monsters that can throw filing cabinets any day of the week. But salmon casserole? No. Just no.

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Hooo. Sorry about that, just needed to get that off my chest. Anyway, you're here not to hear my rants about salmon casserole, but about how I escaped.

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After posting that first bit, I remained curled up under the desk, shaking nervously with every footfall that happened just beyond the thin wall of my cubicle. I kept the files open on the monitor, reading all the while; trying to decipher any potential flaw in their design. Since so many of you wanted to glean information about their origins I'll share it in a moment. Firstly, I want to approach the topic of my employer. I can't reveal that, no matter how much I may want to. They fabricated monstrosities that wiped out the entire genetics department, I couldn't hope to survive long with them on my heels. No, The only hope for amnesty is to keep their name out of it; just know that they operate under the guise of a pharmaceutical company with a distribution chain that spans the globe. Enough said on that, time for the juicy details you've been salivating over. Thankfully I was able to slip the files from the companies mass file share onto a small USB I had stored in my desk. I'll paraphrase a transcript the report to the executive committee below.

OCT 25, 2019

Location: Presidential Boardroom, 16th floor

Time: 09:00 - 0:930 EST

Genetics head [NAME REMOVED] gave a presentation on October 25, 2019 to the board of executives. The meeting held was to debrief the executive committee on the state of the project, the meeting key high level facets of the project, including; timing, limitations, concerns, funding, and lastly public safety in the event of a breach.

The head geneticist began the presentation by giving a brief, yet thorough introduction.

"As you are aware, we've been working on this project for quite some time. In layman terms, we have begun the process of implementing a genetic enhancement dedicated to provide the US military with the quintessential soldier. The project received twenty billion spread over four years in funding and unlimited access to military infantry for experiments with little to no repercussions for breaking the law. Tests began little more than three and a half years ago, leaving us little more than six months to bring about the desired product. I am pleased to say that we are on track with the development despite the given... limitations."

"Limitations?" the president had interjected.

"Yes sir. The compound used is an isomer of traditional somatotropin hormone, or human growth hormone, and as suggested, enhances the growth of humans. Typical uses of the regular hormone increase growth of human muscles and organs beyond their genetic potential. Our intent has been to alter the compound to a point where it increases all manners of growth. Simply put, we inject the hormone into the pituitary gland of our patients. There were certain limitations that were presented when we'd initially started; in this instance, it would appear that the longer the subject had been out of puberty, the more adverse effects were observed. They would grow disproportionately, to be exact we had instances where their skeletons would grow before the muscle, causing them to burst through their skin and shred all muscle and skin in the process. They typically died almost instantaneously as their bones thickened and squashed their skulls compacted their brain. Needless to say, it was rather gory.