Speaking about the pain doesn't prepare you for it.
Just because they said it would hurt didn't mean I expected this. And it's not the same as last time I haven't been through this before, I can't pretend that I don't care until I don't. Because everywhere I walk I see you, anytime I laugh it falters and stops, these burning tears that rip down my raw skin are not the same as before. It's a whole new kind of pain, I've had to build myself back before and I do not have the energy to do it again. You say I taught you to trust, well you taught me not to; you taught me not to believe kisses at midnight, or words at three am, or smiles when our faces are too close. You taught me to believe I'm not worth it, to think that I do not deserve to be someone's favourite person, to have the ridiculous assumption I am not good enough. I've been through this before, and people say the first time is the hardest, it's not because every time it happens the walls you've built and words you've learned to remind yourself how strong you are come crumbling down to nothing, as if fixing myself the first time, meant nothing.
YOU ARE READING
Notes To You
PoetryWords that fill my brain, while I lie staring at a bright screen, with a red filled arrow beside your name.
