The children sat around the fire, wearing dark robes and humming "abalajaha" to the tune of Pumped Up Kicks.
One of them raised their hand. "Silence."
Their murmuring grew quiet.
"I have called upon this very, very stressing emergency meeting in order to the discuss the issue which is known as,"
The speaker looked at their notes.
"...Carrot-kun? That's a–what kinda name is that?"
One of the audience members nodded. "Observed and confirmed, sir. The target goes by Carrot-kun."
"....cool. By any means, we are here to discuss Carrot-kun's relationship with Tom, our father figure."
He looked at his notes again.
"First off, what is his relationship with Tom? Are they acquaintances? Friends? Or...something more?"
He tapped on the floor importantly.
"If what we fear is correct, Tom is..."
He paused to let the silence ring in their ears.
"...he is cheating on Grape-kun."
There is a ring of collective gasps from the audience.
"No!"
"This can't be!"
"I mean like, sure–"
The other members looked at him.
"Stephen, follow the stupid script."
"Fine, Jesus–"
He cleared his throat.
"oHhh nOOo The cArrOT is HavINg SleeP wiTh My fAThER oH NO"
