Jackson Humes is Not a Superhero

CHAPTER EIGHT

"Hey Jackson," Marv the velociraptor said calmly. "Can you believe this shit?" He wasn't trying to be intentionally scary, but his jerky movements and six long, sharp talons gave the wrong impression. It's no wonder Shannon was so freaked out.

"It's okay," I said, trying to calm him down, "he's not going to hurt us. See?" I held my hand by Marv's mouth just to prove my point. The velociraptor snapped his jaws just millimeters away from my hand. Shannon shrieked and took off running toward the back of the house. "Good going." I scolded Marv.

When I caught up with him, Shannon was trying to pry the mesh screen off of the kitchen window. As soon as he saw me, he checked to see if my hand was still attached before backing away slowly with both his arms held out. Before I could warn him, he tripped over the rake Tanner had left out. He grabbed it and held it up like a weapon.

"I warned him this might happen," Marv explained in a reasonable tone. "Well, not turning into a dinosaur—"

"Velociraptor," I corrected.

"Yeah, that. I told him about turning into a mountain lion. He said he believed me, but I don't think anything can really prepare you for the moment when a dinosaur barges into your room."

"Velociraptor," I corrected again.

"He was smoking weed when I barged into his room, so he's not all there," Marv explained.

I pressed my hands against my eyes and rubbed them hard. "You've got to be kidding me." Dealing with Marv was a tall enough order without having to worry about his stoned friend.

"It's actually better this way," Marv explained. "Shannon smokes to keep himself calm."

"YOU CALL THIS CALM!"

Both Marv and Shannon jumped a little. Shannon pulled something out of his pocket and held it up to me. It was a small blue pipe. "You should have some of this, it'll really mellow you out."

"I am not smoking the pot to calm myself down. Someone here has to keep it together."

"Dude," Marv said, sounding like a college professor, "it's not The Pot, it's just called pot."

I threw my hands up in the air. "Seriously? This is what you want to discuss right now?"

"All right, I get it," Marv huffed.

"You. Are. A. Freaking. Dinosaur." I waved my hands at the prehistoric beast to accentuate my point. "How exactly should I be acting?"

"Velociraptor," he said correcting me.

Punching a velociraptor had never seemed so appealing. Shannon decided it was the perfect time to light up. He took a huge hit from his pipe and exhaled the smoke slowly from his nostrils and mouth, reminding me of a dragon. Knowing our stupid dumb luck Marv would probably turn into that next.

I held myself back from grabbing the pipe out of his hands and beating him senseless with it. "Do you really think this is the appropriate time to be smoking? Can't you see we're up shit creak without a paddle?"

"I've got a rake," he said, holding it up. "Will that help?" He was about to take another hit but noticed the contempt on my face, smiled sheepishly, and slipped the pipe back in his pocket.

Marv's head snapped to one side. A second later I heard it as well. It was the low rumble of a helicopter off in the distance. Helicopters did not take to the skies in our town without good reason.

"Were you seen?" I asked.

The velociraptor shifted his weight back and forth. He tried to crack his knuckles, but his claws just sort of banged together and made a loud clacking noise. "I sort of might have transformed in front of my stepdad. I was pushing him away to keep him from..." His voice trailed off. "Look, it's a long story, but my stepdad was really drunk, so I doubt anyone is going to believe him."