"Mamahalin talaga kita habangbuhay, Jizzel. That's a promise," nakangiti kong sabi sa girlfriend.
Kunot noo niya akong tiningnan at maya-maya'y inirapan. Ang arte talaga nito. Pero mahal ko, e.
"Tsk! Stop with all your nonsense. It's gross, you know."
"Anong gross? I'm telling the truth!" Hinila ko siya, akmang hahalikan sa ulo ngunit pumiglas ito.
"Damn! Lino, ano ba!"
My eyes softened. I bet my girl is on her period that's why she's acting strange. Mood swings I guess.
"Food, babe? What do you want?"
"Wala akong gusto. Pwede ba?! Lubayan mo ako!"
"Why would I avoid you?" Marahan kong saad.
Her lips moved in a thin line followed by the hard pressing of her two eyes.
"To tell you the truth, hindi na kita gusto! I only liked you because you are funny and that's all! Your looks... damn! Ayoko na, Lino! I'm sorry..." she walked out.
My heart ached a bit. Alam ko naman ang itsura ko. I'm not the typical guy who's muscular with the looks you can say handsome. Describe me to its opposite, that's it. People often bully me because of my physical appearance.
Hindi din ako gaya ng ibang lalaki. Once they lose a girl, sasabihin agad na may mahahanap pang iba. Or she's not worthy of attention because there are a hundred of woman out there who's far more better. I am a man of words. If I say I love you, I really mean it.
Ang mga pangit kung nagkakajowa, tawag dun ay himala.
Damn!
Pangalawang beses ko ng naranasan ang himala. When my feelings are already deep rooted towards a person, tsaka naman ako iniiwan.
Tawag dun malas.
I went to school in the hopes that I'd see her and get to reconcile. Ngingiti ngiti pa ang ibang guro sa'kin. They find me funny in words. Mukhang ganoon rin sa panlabas kong anyo. I smiled back at them.
Entering the classroom felt like a shame at all. All eyes bore into me like I'm a trash who went home to its own place... some were irritated and others beamed a sweet smile as if they really missed me. What a load of mixed emotions right here.
"Nakita niyo si Jizzel?" Tanong ko.
My up and down eyelashes met before it gazed on the left side, revealing my girlfriend with his new lover. Oddly, the boy look familiar.
Nakakandado ang paningin ko sa dalawa. Ilang segundo lang ay narinig ko ang munting tawanan bago nila matagpuan ang titig ko.
If only my stares can kill, they would have been inside a coffin now.
"Drew? J-Jizzel?" In a broke tone.
Both their smile vanished in a blink of an eye. Tumayo sa gulat si Drew, ang kaibigan kong heartthrob nga naman ng campus. Kaya niyang umagaw ng babae kahit yung mga may jowa na.
And here I am, foolishly standing in front of everybody who's been mocking me... shamelessly.
"Jizzel deserves Andrew. Bagay sila."
"I guess Jizzel said yes to Lino before because he is funny. Kumbaga mapapasaya siya. But, everything has a limitation. Pupwede naman siyang pasayahin ng ibang lalaki na mas gwapo sa kaniya, ah?"
"Di niya na kayang tiisin ang pagmumukha ni Lino, maybe."
"What a betrayal..."
Umalis ako sa silid na 'yon na punong-puno ng sakit... ng hinanakit. I somehow blamed myself because of this face. Of all the people, ba't ako pa ang pangit?
"Then, she was a fool, after all," mariin na saad ni Mama.
"You don't base your love through his/her appearance," sambit naman ni Papa.
Binuhos ko lahat sa mga magulang ko. Hindi ko sila sinisi kung bakit ganito ang itsura ko. Ang bastos ko naman para isisi sa kanila gayong ginawa nila ako. They made me the person I am right now. And I just couldn't thank enough that they raised me to be a person full of respect to anyone.
Mom touched my face, starting from my forehead, stroking every inches, every angles down to my jaw. Habang nakangiti ay patuloy ang pagsalita niya.
"Gwapo ka, anak. Itong kilay mo, your nose, your perfectly shaped lips, deep and serious eyes, minana mo sa amin."
"These pimples, ito yung excuse nila upang sabihan ka na pangit. You're not pangit, anak. You are extraordinary. You are unique. You are our child. So continue to be you and don't fall with those playful traps. Right now, prove your worth for those people to realize it. We love you," mahinang tugon ni Mama na siyang nagpaluha sa akin.
From there, I learned that looks aren't the basis for us to be loved. Kung tanggap ka, walang puwang ang husgahan ang panlabas na anyo. They'd accept no matter what and who you are because that is you. It's up for the people to decide. Kung mamahalin ka sa sino ka or replace you... because you're lacking.
Somehow, the truest people who loves you would stay and embrace your flaws and imperfections... the real you. And that is your family. Focus on that essential love first. Anyway, the love of your life shouldn't be chased because it will come. In God's perfect timing, it will.
