"With highest honor, Sheirra M. Gracia."
The crowd clapped. I plastered a slight smile upon walking up on the stage. As usual, I'd get my awards alone. I muttered thank you when the teacher handed me the medal, ribbons, and certificates.
"Congratulations, She," the principal as we shake hands.
"Nasa'n ba ang mommy, daddy mo?"
I pursed my lips. "Busy po, e."
Naglakad ako patungo sa iba pang nauna tinawag. I gazed my vision and saw them smiling with their parents. When I reached the group, a pictorial happen again. Ngumiti ako hindi alam kung saang camera titingin.
"Congrats, guys!" Bati ko.
"Uy, Sheirra congrats!" anila.
At bumalik na naman ako sa pwesto but this time, I'm packing up my things. Uuwi na ako. There's no celebration because my parents aren't here.
When you expect big, you'll be disappointed big too.
When I swung open the door, the cold ambiance of our house greeted me. Ayan, ang hirap talaga mag assume. Tumawa ako ng mapakla.
Ano pa bang bago?
Ngunit maya maya ay sinundo ako ni yaya habang may dala siyang cake. Nakita ko ang "Congratulations" na nakaukit dito.
Tears formed in my eyes. Kagat labi kong tiningnan ang masayang mukha niya habang kinakantahan ako sa tono ng happy birthday.
"Congratulations, She-she!"
I immediately hugged her. Hindi ko akalain na ang mga taong pinagsisilbihan ako, pamilya ang turing sa akin. They value me more than my true family. That's what I think.
"Thank you po, manang."
"Siyempre ginalingan ng alaga ko! Pasensya na't hindi ganoon kaganda ang disenyo ng cake. Ako lang nagbake nito hehe."
"Wow! Salamat po sa effort manang! Paturo naman ako, oh. I want to learn how to cook po!" Masigla kong tugon.
"Naku! Mas marunong ang mama mo! Kulitin mo minsan nang turuan ka naman!" Tumawa siya.
I faked a laugh. "She's too busy po. I mean, Mom and Dad. Both of them pala." I smiled, definitely not genuine.
My phone rang by the former mentioned. I shot a menacing look to manang. Nakuha niya naman ang ibig sabihin dahil bahagya siyang lumayo kung nasaan ako. I answered the call.
"Hello, ma. Highest honor po ako!"
Ilang segundong katahimikan ang namayani. Tiningnan ko pa ang cellphone kung nandun pa siya sa kabilang linya.
"Congrats? Congrats!?"
May diin niya itong sinabi. Now I need to zip off my mouth. Hurtful words would follow next.
"Anong nangyari sa rank mo? Talaga bang pinapabayaan mo na ang pag-aaral mo? Ano na, She!?"
"Ma, highest honor po ako."
"Pero pangalawa ka lang! You used to be rank one. Highest nga ngunit ikalawa nga lang! Okay, congrats! But the fact that you're only top 2, that's a shame, She." Litanya niya.
Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. I knew this would happen.
"Patay ka talaga sa papa mo! Kung malalaman niya 'to, hays! I don't know! He would be enormously disappointed with you!"
"Talaga bang mahalaga ang rank, ma? Does it matter if I'm only second?"
"Yes, it does! Because everything you do reflects on us! On how well your parents raise you. And well, we raised you good, Sheirra. Hindi kami nagkulang sa pagpapalaki sa'yo."
"Have you asked me... even once... kung okay lang ba ako?" Tumutulo na ang luha ko.
"Hindi ba ako pagod sa pag-aaral? Do I need help on answering my assignments? Doing projects? Am I stressed already? Damn! I'm so sorry but you didn't!" Dagdag ko, humihikbi.
"You are capable of doing it yourself. Kaya nga top 1 ka mula grade one hanggang... hanggang last grading 'di ba!? We put so much trust in you!"
Silence. After saying those lines, there was silence.
"Binibigay namin lahat ng gusto mo. Be it money or material things. Para ano? For you to study hard! Maging number one ka lang sa klase, malaking kabayaran na 'yon sa'min," saad ni Mama.
"Since then you knew how much I study hard. Para lang maging top 1. Sobrang saya niyo kapag ganoon. But sometimes, nasasanay na kayo to the point na you can't appreciate my awards and all anymore."
"Dahil expected na namin-"
"I'm sorry if I failed. If I did not meet your expectation, that all of it turned into disappointments. I poured my whole self to make you happy, but I failed."
That was my parting words. Pinalayas ako sa bahay pagkatapos ng nangyari. Carrying a single large bag and a heavy heart, I went to my relatives. They let me in but treated me cruel.
One month after, my parents told me to come home. Pero hindi ako umuwi. Lumayas ako sa mga kamag-anak at namasukan bilang working student. Nakapagtapos ako ng kolehiyo sa pamamagitan ng pagpupunyagi ko at walang ni piso na tulong mula sa mga magulang.
I chuckled upon telling my story to my two lovely kids. They were both teary and sad. Totoo na storya ko 'yon ngunit tinago ko sa ibang katauhan. I can't manage to say it to them now. I don't wanna stain my parents' name. Siguro balang araw, oo. When the time comes they'd finally understand it completely.
Right now, maayos na ang relasyon ko sa mga magulang. We've exchanged our sorrys and it was all in the past.
It taught me a big lesson. If I were to be a parent, gusto ko na maging open sa mga anak. I'd be glad and cheer them on their achievements but will also discipline their wrongdoings. In every ups and downs, I will support them wholeheartedly without looking at the place or rank they're in.
Sa buhay, hindi naman mahalaga kung saang pwesto ka. Gaya ng kwento ko, dumaranas rin tayo na maging huli- o maramdaman na tayo'y huli dahil sa mga pagsubok na nasa atin.
What's important is that we overcome the challenges of life. Through this, you will always be the number one. There are no rivalries because you, yourself is your own rival. Always remember that.
