That moment when you thought everything was going okay, everything was going fine turned out to be the worst thing, the very least you were expecting...
"W-what?" I asked, my mouth hanging open as I stared at him. Connor. What did he just said? Connor sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Don't make me say it again, Emma. Please don't." He sighed. Connor bent forward, tugged on his hair before he quickly rubbed his face and let out yet another sigh. "We can't do this, Emma. I don't like you enough for us to survive this long distance thing. I'm leaving in a few days, I don't know when I'll be back." My heart clenched. I concentrated on his back. The strain on his shirt. I could see the outlines of his muscles, his spine poking out a little bit. Just so I wouldn't lose focus.
"Oh okay." My mind was swirling. For the past few weeks, all I could think about was Connor. "I should go then." I got up as fast as I could and sprinted out of the room. Tristan was gone, did he knew? Why did he acted like he had a surprise for me? Connor shouted after me but I didn't stop.
Few months past.
When someone told me a few months ago that I would be dressed in ripped jeans and basically a see through sweater, I would probably laugh at them and call them crazy but here I was, dressed in just that. I went through this phase. My book phase. My philosophy phase. I learned about rape culture, feminism, human rights and lots more. These books changed me. I no longer go for cheesy romance and cliché endings.
I slung my bag over my shoulders and ran out the door. I was late for my art class yet again but I can't help it. I had been busy with reading and working. And staying up all night on my final project. Oh, Adam and I went our separate ways. We both decided to do our own stuff and the teacher agreed.
I got a text from Joyce on the way to class. Meet me at the front today for lunch instead. I frowned at the text. We always had our lunch at the back. I forgot about it and went to class. Professor Carling didn't scold me or give me a lecture for being late. She was very lenient towards me and I don't know why. After class, she merely gave me a nod and that was it. Just like what Joyce said, I met her at the front of the cafeteria. She was already waiting for me in her feminine yellow sweater and black leggings.
"I'm hungry, let's get food." Joyce hooked her arm with mine and pulled me to the food section. Weird, Joyce usually waited for the line to disperse before getting her food. I tried making eye contact with her but she purposely pretended like she was busy staring at other people.
"Okay, what's up?" I asked.
"Nothing!" She squeaked abit too quickly. I smiled slyly at her and raised an eyebrow. Joyce sighed. She knew she was caught. "I can't tell you okay. It's for your own good." She replied, giving me a pitiful look. I looked away quickly, my shoes suddenly got more interesting and let out a breath.
"Just tell me. It's better than me finding out my-"
"Emma?" A voice cut me off. I froze, I was sure Joyce could feel my body going rigid. I wasn't staring at my shoes anymore. I was staring into a pair of brown eyes, familiar ones. The ones which changes colour from time to time. He smiled. Crinkles at the corner of his eyes, his slightly crooked grin, pink nose. It suddenly all came back to me. "Emma, wow. You've grown so much, puberty hit you like a truck." He joked, coming in for a hug but I moved away. Brad paused and pulled back awkwardly.
"Actually, it's just the clothes." Joyce laughed dryly. "We're on a diet. Nice to see you again." She excused us from Brad and led me to the nearest toilet by my shoulders. She didn't say anything when we stood in the empty toilet for 15 minutes.
"Are all of them here?" I asked, breaking the silence. I looked at her and she nodded. "Ah, crap." I groaned, rubbing my forehead. Joyce shuffled towards me and pulled my hand away.
"But relax, they're only here for a visit." She said those words like it was comforting. I didn't know what I want.
"Okay, good." I said even though I was unsure whether I meant it. "Wow, I miss Brad." I sighed, pulling her in for a hug. Joyce let out a laugh and hugged me tight.
"Me too."
"And James and Tristan." I mumbled into her shoulder.
"Why don't you go and talk to them?" Why don't I go and talk to them? Him.
"I don't know if I can face him." I told her honestly. Throughout these few months, I realised that she was someone I could rely on. Never once did she let me down or abused my trust.
"Show him that you've past all that."
"Make sense. I'll think about it."
"Okay. Can we eat now?" Joyce asked, pulling back. "I'm really not on a diet and I'm starving." She laughed. I joined in and nodded. Joyce hooked her arms with mine again and we walked out. Knowing that she was here with me was comforting enough. "Yeah, so he told him to eat his paper then and there." Joyce was telling me about what happened in her psychology class earlier.
"Did he?" I asked, getting into the story.
"He did and it was hilarious." She laughed, wiping her eyes dry. I shook my head and continued eating my sandwich. Joyce continued her story but I wasn't listening anymore. Walking towards us was James. Looking good like he always did, from head to toe. Drop dead gorgeous. Except he looked more tired. They all did, well, Brad and James. Joyce didn't notice him coming so I sat up straight and looked past her at him. Joyce got the memo and glanced over her shoulder.
"Hi." I greeted when he got nearer. James smiled warmly.
"Hi Emma. Can I talk to you alone for awhile?" He asked nicely. I looked at Joyce for advice and she gave me a slight nod.
"Yeah... Of course." Joyce got up and flashed a smile to James.
"I'll say hi to the others." She excused herself.
"Looking great, Joyce." James said after Joyce, letting her know he didn't forget about her. Joyce did a little curtsy and walked away. James sat down where Joyce was. "How are you?"
"I'm okay."
"I miss you." He confessed, bringing a smile to my face. I felt the tears pricking my eyes but I held it back. James was still the same old James. I scooted next to him and rested my head on his shoulder, my arm hooked around his.
"I miss you too, James." I whispered, holding his arm tight. He let out a breath. With his free hand, he held onto my grip and rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb.
"Make any new friends?" He asked in a happier tone. I chuckled and looked up at him.
"Nah, you know I don't approach anyone."
"So it's just you and Joyce then?"
"Yep." I replied, popping the 'p'. James shook his head and rested it on mine. I realised I was comfortable here, now. With one of my closest friends next to me.
"I'm sorry about what happened with Connor." James said all of a sudden. Of course he had to ruin the moment. I pulled away and took a deep breath.
"It's just a crush, I'm over it." I lied. James shifted awkwardly next to me. The day flashed through my eyes. Art, Adam, Tristan. Tristan.. "Did Tristan know?"
"What?"
"That day," I looked at him."He brought me to Joyce's dorm. Did he knew?" I clarified. James looked at me like I grew two heads then let out a dry laugh.
"No one did." He spat before looking away. "I told him he had two choices. One, make you his girlfriend so he knows you will be waiting for him to come back. Two, end it. We all thought he was going for the first choice. He told us. I guess he changed his mind." He explained quickly. I had never seen James angry before but I didn't know why he was so worked up about this. "Now, are you even allowed to use this in school?" He changed the topic easily, flashing me a silly grin.
"I already received a warning from a professor."
