chubby // 2jae

01

-

' aw, look at his chubby cheeks!'

'god, he's so fucking ugly'

'Youngjae so pretty'

'💜❤💗❤💜❤❤💜'

'how the hell is he so famous, he's not even that hot'

'ikr, lowkey kinda fat tho'

'stop being mean to jae, he's just a little chubby'

-

Youngjae read the comments on his vlive as fast as he could, even though they rushed by far too quickly. He glanced down at his hands, which were slightly thicker than he had remembered.

You're not fat, you just have a few extra pounds on you.

The confused boy looked into the camera.

"I'm not fat, am I ahgases?"

-

'No of course not, you're gorgeous jae!!'

'fat, more like a fucking elephant'

-

His mouth turned down for a moment, his pretty face veiled in disappointment.

"You seem to have mixed feelings, but I exercise as well as I eat... I don't think I'm that fat."

Youngjae tilted his head to the side to read more comments, growing more and more self conscious by the second. His eyes traveled down to his slim thighs, which seemed to have grown since the last time he looked at them. He reached forward to fumble with the camera.

"It's getting a bit late, so I'm off. I love you ahgases, be sure to eat healthy and get some sleep!"

He waved goodbye to the cold lenses and turned it off. Tucking his legs up into the swivel chair he was in, he rested his head on his knees and closed his eyes.

Am I fat?

I guess I could lose a few pounds.

I haven't had dinner yet, I could skip it.

I should skip it.

His thoughts were interuppted by a soft knock on the door. His eyes opened slowly.

"Youngjae, can I come in? You're over with the live, right?"

"Oh, Jaebum, yeah."

"Good, because I just took my makeup off."

The taller came into the room quietly and closed the door behind him. He came up behind the younger and ruffled his soft hair.

"Dinner's ready. How was the live?"

Youngjae hesitated. He mumbled,

"It was okay."

Jaebum noticed the quiet melancholy in his voice.

"Did something happen?"

"No..."

"Seems like something did, Jae."

The younger boy sighed sadly. He buried his face in his knees for a moment and took a deep breath. He noticed the way his stomach rolled when he pulled his legs closer to him, the fat bunching up. He had never noticed that before.

"Hyung, am I... fat?"

The older's eyes widened. He spun him around in the chair to face him. Putting his hands on Youngjae's shoulders, the smaller looked at him with tears in his eyes.

"Youngjae, you're not fat. You're perfect, no matter what the others say. Okay?"

Youngjae nodded slowly. The older hesitated before taking his face with one hand and tilting it towards him. Jaebum made eye contact with him and smiled softly.

"You're perfect."

Youngjae normally would've been flustered, but now all he could think about was how fat his cheeks felt in the others hands. The boy smiled to make the other feel better, which seemed to work.

"I'm really tired hyung, so I'll go ahead to bed."

"Without dinner? Jinyoung is cooking tonight. No cucumbers are involved."

Youngjae faked a grin.

"I'm really, SUPER tired."

Jaebum felt himself melt at the smile, even though he could sense it wasn't quite real. Any smile of the youngers made him lose his mind, but he wouldn't tell him that yet. He brought up a hand and ran it through the blue locks of the younger, combing it soothingly.

"Okay. Goodnight, Youngjae."

"Goodnight, JB."

The older watched as he left the room, smiling to himself.

You're so pretty, Jae. I wish you were mine.

Youngjae entered the room he shared with Mark, and walked in on the boy changing his shirt.

"Ah! Sorry hyung!"

The older chuckled and pulled on a large T-shirt of his boyfriend Jackson's.

"Its okay, Youngjae. It's not like we haven't seen each other shirtless before."

"WHAT!"

Mark groaned at the eavesdropping possessive boy outside the door.

"Babe! We're roommates, of course we've seen each other without shirts on!"

Jackson grumbled jealously and pulled Mark out of the room, wrapping his arms tightly around his small waist and going to dinner. As soon as they left the room, Youngjae pulled his shirt off and stared in the mirror. He examined his stomach, which before had seemed flat. Now when he looked at it, it curved out in an unattractive way.

The boy remembered Mark without his shirt on and grew envious. The older had a flat stomach and prominent abs, unlike himself. He resisted the urge to run into the bathroom and throw up, instead running his increasingly chubby fingers across his waist.

They were right, I'm so fat.

All Youngjae could see was the way his fingers slightly sunk into the fat on his stomach. He stumbled back onto his bed, curling up into a tight ball. The words of his haters crept in and swirled around in his mind, tearing his self esteem into shreds.

Tears began to run down his face. He could hear the rest of the members laughing and eating together, and thought of the food they were eating. Calories, calories, calories.

His mind brought up things he had heard before, and he panicked.

Doesn't bread make you fat? Oh god, I had toast for breakfast.

The calories in that drink I had earlier were probably too much.

I deserve all the hate I get, no one would ever love me if they knew about the fat on my hips.

Youngjae tried not to sob as he became overwhelmed with the thoughts, convincing himself further and further that he wasn't worth anything. He decided to skip all meals he could get away with, he had to lose the weight.

Chubby cheeks, fat thighs, squishy stomach. With these words in his head, Youngjae drifted off to sleep.