200 Mornings

Day 1 (1.1)

The city of New York could be a threatening sight, especially when you haven't been outside of a hospital room in two whole months. I couldn't tell you if Mario's Pizza Palace was still in business, or if the Starbucks store still stood on Main Street. All I knew was the information inside of my isolated room, and it wasn't good news in the slightest.

I returned my gaze to the metal door shielding the rest of the hospital from my sickness. A sigh escaped and fogged up the oxygen mask stuck on my face. No one would be coming through those doors for another two hours.

Beside me, my phone was trapped underneath the pile of scratchy hospital blankets. It didn't light up with notifications, nor did I feel compelled to reach out. If they didn't want to speak to me despite everything, then I wasn't going to waste what minuscule energy I had on them. Friends were a simple want in life. They weren't essential to survive.

I was living proof of that.

Visits into my room were unheard of. The real conversation I have is with Nurse Katrina, but her visits were limited to when she checked up on me. Otherwise, she would get scolded for being too attached to a sick, dying patient. In my mind, it makes sense, but Katrina thinks more of it. According to what she told me, I'm the main focus of her thoughts during the day.

Remembering this makes a cold wave of loneliness and sadness wash over me. It begins to take away my breath and drown me in the misery called reality.

I'm going to die alone.

I clutch my blanket close to my chest and curl up as best as I can. All of the tubes and wires tangled around my torso and knees, but I didn't pay any attention to it. I'm comfortable, and that's something I haven't been in so long.

Unfortunately, my self-pity was paused by the quick squeak of my door. I jerked upright and struggled against the suffocating tubes. A tall man leaned over to assist me and smiled.

"No need to be alarmed. I'm Dr. Wisor, and I've been studying your illness since you first arrived two months ago." he paused a moment and studied the excitement across my face. "I-I'm sorry. Sadly, I'm not here to tell you there's a cure. Infact, it's quite the opposite. Your heart is slowing down at a more rapid pace than I thought. If there is a cure out there, we won't find it in the 200 days you have left on this Earth."

Dr. Wisor's words started to seep into my mind. I held my head in shaking hands. 'Only 200 days...? That's only...'

"- only six and a half months. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you sooner. I talked to the nurses and head, and they've agreed it would be okay for you to spend that 6 and a half months outside of the hospital if you so wish. However, I will need to have weekly check ups to make sure your heart doesn't slow at a more rapid pace." Dr. Wisor lowered his head to the ground and let his arms dangle at his sides. "I apologise I wasn't able to save you..."

I wanted to cry, scream, anything but sit here and accept this information! "I..." My voice cracked as I swallowed back a yell. Tears streamed down my face. A part of me couldn't figure out why I was so upset with the knowledge of dying. I had no friends or family that visited apart from Nurse Katrina. It was just a shock to me. Another question scratched at the walls of my mind.

"Have you given my illness a name?" I watched the doctor's face contort with discomfort, and I frowned. "I just wanted to give a title to my killer..." My voice grew quieter with each word.

Dr. Wisor sighed and rubbed his temples. "It's in between bradycardia and sick sinus syndrome, but it's not just one or the other. Bradycardia is simply just a slower resting heart rate. For most affected people, it doesn't cause any problems, but that's where sick sinus syndrome comes into play in your case. The peacemaker in your heart is damaged, causing that slower heart rate, but your resting heart rate never increases like sick sinus syndrome suggests."

His ramble went in one ear and out the other. All I understood was the names bradycardia and sick sinus syndrome. At least I can call my death by its proper names now. I clenched the scratchy white blankets in my fists once more. Dr. Wisor didn't like the expression I pulled. He took a step back, glanced at the heart monitor and looked toward the door.

"I'm just telling you what I've found out." Dr. Wisor left with quiet steps through the metal door that separated me from everyone else.

I couldn't stop the tears that streamed down my cheeks. Though this life has been extremely rough, I still don't want to die. I don't want to be forgotten. What twenty-three year old man dies without leaving behind some impact on the world? My thoughts wavered back to what Dr. Wisor informed me of earlier. I can be free for my last two hundred days of my life. 

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Yesss it's time for this to make its debut! Welcome to the surprise story that I hope you all come to love. I've been stocking up on chapters so if I get behind on updates one week I still have something to post. I'm going to plan on posting these twice a week, maybe Tuesdays and Saturdays? I'm not sure yet XD 

If you want to get exclusive content, updates one chapter early, AND get a chance to talk to me, head on over to Wattpad Amino! The link is in my bio. 

Other than that, have an amazing day! If you've read through the entire authors note, comment "bananas" to get a shout out in the next chapter! 

~ Sae <3