Writings Of A Bibliophile

to my best friend

November 12, 2019

I am writing this letter here because I know you don't have wattpad and you don't like reading that much. I want to keep this letter away from you, I will never let you know about this until fate decides to bring you here itself and somehow I am hoping you will soon find your way.

Dear Chemmary,

We are definitely not the same person we used to be 10 years ago and I think that's normal.

I could still remember our dreams when we were in high school. You always knew what you wanted in life and I envied you for that. You wanted to be an engineer and I'm so proud of you because in five months you are going to officially become one.

Many years ago, we despised the idea of giving our virginity to a guy before marriage. We were hopeless romantics back then and we wanted to give it to the one but what happened to us?

We no longer have the insights of a ten-year-old girl who wants her first boyfriend to be the last because right now, we don't really give a shit about who stays or who goes anymore.

Looking back, I remember when I had my first boyfriend. You were so supportive of me. I became selfish and spent more time with Dave because I was sure you were never going to leave me. I thought you would always be there for me and Dave wouldn't be so I took you for granted.

I did my best to get Dave's attention most of the time, not realizing I was slowly becoming a bitch to you, hence, losing you in the process.

One time, our common friend Rachele called me because you were crying in the classroom. I was hanging out with Dave and I didn't want to leave him for you but Rachele forced me to see you so I did.

I came to the classroom and saw you crying. I was so selfish. You told me you were sad because I no longer spend time with you. You said you missed me and I didn't even feel sorry.

In spite of that, I pretended to care and apologized. You immediately felt better. You were like a child, you were always so needy of me. Truthfully, I didn't feel anything but annoyance.

My present self is telling me to go back in time and change the way I handled things. I suddenly wanted to go back right at that moment when you were crying in the classroom. I could have genuinely told you how much I cared for you and that I was truly sorry for taking you for granted.

Sadly, my 2014 self was a bitch and she didn't care. She was blinded by her overwhelming love for Dave that she completely forgot who truly mattered.

You witnessed me fall head over heels for him and you saw me when I fell hard. There were days, weeks that I looked like hell and you didn't like the fact that a guy could affect me so much so you told me to leave him alone but I didn't, I never did.

What could be so special about him that she couldn't leave that jerk?

She looks like a mess and he doesn't give a shit.

She doesn't make her homework anymore, she even cuts her classes just to be with him.

What the hell is wrong with her? Why is she jeopardizing her future for that guy, he isn't even that good-looking.

Those were the thoughts of other people about me when I started dating him. Yes, I was never a mind reader but I knew their thoughts just by the way they looked at me mainly because those thoughts and questions came from myself in the first place.

But you, my best friend, didn't listen to them.

Well, at first. Eventually, you started to wonder why.