Not Everything Done In The Dark Is Shameful Barson Story

Not Everything Done In The Dark Is Shameful Chapter 23

Rafael watched Olivia stare at the cell phone, she just hung up as through she was willing it to ring again. He stepped closer to her. "Liv", he said softly and carefully, feeling horrible about how his words came out before the phone interrupted them.

"I can't believe you just slut shamed me."

"Wait!" "He answered quickly.

"You know I expect that from a lot of people Barba, but not you."

"Wait a minute! Liv! I'm sorry for how my words came out, but you know I wasn't shaming you. You know it! How the words came out, that's not what I meant!"

"Oh No! What did you mean Barba? Since you know me I haven't had a problem getting close to people I work with!" She ran toward her kitchen and dropped the phone gently on the counter.

"For almost 7 years I have been asking you to spend time with me outside of work, and you have always said no, but you don't appear to have an issue spending time with others outside of work."

"You're not talking about my squad. You're talking about Tucker again, and Cassidy."

"Liv, please let me talk, let me explain."

"No, there's nothing to explain! I get it. You want to talk about every failed relationship I've ever had! Is that it?"

"No Liv. I want to know why you avoid me? What is it about me? I want to understand." Olivia walked toward the sofa, and began to pace in her living room. Barba followed behind her, knowing that eventually she would have to turn and look him in the eyes. The truth was Barba felt in his heart that he knew why she avoided him, but he wanted and needed to hear her words, he wanted to understand as much of her as humanly possible.

"We don't spend time together outside of work? What about when your grandmother died or when you had problems with Alex or when I wanted advice. None of that counts to you?"

"It all counts Olivia." Olivia sat on the sofa and sighed. Again, Barba followed, he sat next to her. She would not meet his eyes. They sat in silence for a long moment, Barba waiting for Olivia to speak, and Olivia searching for words. Barba was happy she hadn't asked him to leave.

"We've been spending a lot of time together."Olivia said softly. Barba was relived she broke the silence.

"More than ever." He said. "It's became a habit, a wonderful habit. It only took me 6 and a half years to get you to have dinner with me."

"It has to stop, we have to go back... We have to go back to the time when we just met. We just have to go back. We have to forget about all the dinners, late night talks, and weird sleepovers we've been having lately." Not for one second did Rafael Barba agree with her, but he wanted to see where she was going. The phone conversations with Noah and Munch had caught him a little off guard, but finally listening to her words the ADA in him was back.

"Why Olivia?" He asked in his courtroom voice. At the sound of his words Olivia got up quickly from the sofa, and walked a few feet away from him. Her back was to him, and her eyes were fixed on the wall in front of her.

"You know why." She answered softly.

We're walking a fine line?" Barba said, walking toward her.

"Yes." She almost whispered.

"And we're too close?" He was standing behind her, not too close. He didn't want her to run again.

"Yes."

"We're not too close."

"Yes we are! You care about your job Barba?"

"Please don't do that, don't hide behind the job, you know there are ways around that."

"Oh and I'm the expert on that right, seeing as how I get so close to people I work with?"

"Olivia you know that's not what I meant. You're scared of something, so you're trying to change the subject. You're avoiding me again, it's what you do."

"Avoiding you, you're standing in my apartment, feet away from me, and I haven't kicked you out. How am I avoiding you?"

"You won't look at me. You're trying to scare me off. Up until recently when I asked you to have a drink or dinner with me, you got this look on your face like you wanted to run. Sometimes, just before that look you smiled. Whenever I asked, you always looked caught off guard and confused, but I never saw you act that way with anyone else. That is what I was trying to say before you accused me of slut shaming."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." She whispered. Barba heard her voice crack. He just wanted to turn her around, make her face him, and wrap his arms around her, but he couldn't, not until she was ready.

"I know. You're on the defensive Liv, you spend a lot of time there. I get it, I spend a lot of time there too but why with me? Don't you know by now no matter what I'm always on your side? We don't always agree, we don't have to, but I am always on your side, I'm always in your corner, I always have your back."

"Me too, I'm always here for you Raffa. I hope you know that."

I do Liv. I see it." He stepped a little closer to her. "So what are you afraid of?"

"Nothing."

"That's bull!" I hope, you don't think I'm stupid enough to believe that.

"Of course not, you're Rafael Barba. You're brilliant. Don't you get it? We have to go back to when we first met, before all this, whatever it is. That way we can't lose each other. We can still run into each other without a plan, we can still work together, and have coffee together, but all the rest of it...

"Wait" Barba interrupted. slow down. "Why?"

"Stop asking me that please. You know why."

"Why?"

"I don't want to lose you... I can't OK?"

"Olivia you will not lose me ever!" He said quickly, in his ADA voice "You hear me?"

"Yeah, tell me that in 12 years, when you can't stand me anymore