Flowers for Lilah (Seth Clearwater)

chapter sixteen

"Seth?" My mom opens the front door nearly a half an hour later, I'm in wolf form, a shivering, shaking, exhausting Lilah clutching to my fur. I whine, shimming my back so Lilah would get the hint to go inside, "Oh Lilah, sweetie, come in and warm up,"

Lilah shuffles towards the front door, my mom engulfing her in a giant embrace, as I run off towards the side of the garage to shift back into my human skin. I shifted faster than I ever had before, knowing my shivering imprint was just on the inside of the thin walls of my house, needing my warmth.

She was broken. She was hurt. She was devastated. She had a crack in her heart that only I could fix. She needed me now, more than ever.

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"Oh sweetie, let me fetch you some of Leah's clothes," Sue fusses worridley, over me, leading me down into the living room. I was shivering, numb in many places, and exhausted. I sit on the couch, and seconds later, Seth storms through the front door, just a measly pair of shorts on. Unlike my hypothermic state, he seems incredibly at ease.

"Lil," He breaths out, making his way to me on the couch, he reaches behind me and wraps a warm wool blanket around me, his warm arm brushes my hand, and he jumps "Jeez, you're freezing," the concern in his voice isn't masked.

"I-i-i'm fine," I shiver out, right when Sue clearwater returns back with some heavy looking sweats, "They'll be a big big, Lilah, but they are better than the ones you have on right now." She hands them to me, "I'll call your grandparents and let them know you're okay." She adds in an afterthought, scurrying out of the dark living room.

Seth stands up and turns around, I stare at his bare back for a long moment before I realize he is repeating his actions from the last time I was here; I quickly change out of my frozen clothes and into Leah's warm ones. It's not enough, I'm still shivering. "I'm d-decent," I said meekly after covering myself back up with the oversized blanket.

Seth turns around, and looks at a loss for words- "Lil-"

"Don't." I stop him. " I k-know. I don't- I don't want you to see me cry anymore."

"I think that's completely ridiculous. I feel like even when you're crying I can't even think straight because you're so- hold on." he cuts off , disappearing into the kitchen, his steps heaving on the old wooden floors. I hear some clanging and beeping from a microwave, before he returns back a few moments later, sliding down on the couch next to me and arranging the blanket so it now covers both of us. In his hand is a chipped old white mug that says, "world's best fisher," filled to the brim with steaming hot chocolate. "Here," He hands it to me, "To help you warm up. And what I was trying to say earlier, was b-beautiful. You're so beautiful when you're crying." he sighs, like it's a burden on him, the amends quickly, "But that doesn't mean I like it."

I reach out a my freezing, too white hand and nearly wince at the difference in the heat of the mug and my fingers, but then sigh in pleasure at it's warmth. I look up through my thick, dark lashes and realize Seth is watching me closely. "It feels warm," I explain, my face heating up.

He stares at me another moment, and I'm too aware of how close our faces and bodies are under this blanket. I am mortified at my tears earlier, and spilling out my heart. The last thing I need to be is some overemotional girl to a boy I only just met this school year. I was worried I had scared him away. I bite my lip with nervousness, which seems to invoke a darkening in his eyes, his face mesmerized. I'd never been with Seth where he has been this quiet. Seth was a chatterbox.

I can't break my trance on him when he pulls his face impossibly close to me, so I can practically feel our eyelashes fluttering against one another. Or was that the fuzziness from my heart?"

"We shouldn't-" I whisper, knowing if our lips touch I will never be able to live without that feeling again. My absence the past few weeks from him didn't work, it just seems to create a bigger dependence in my body on this incredible man in front of me. I had failed in every way to break my connection with him,

"Don't be scared." He whispers back, "don't be afraid of me-"

"I'm not afraid of you," I shake my head back and forth, our noses brushes barely, I wasn't afraid of his wolf. Or his anger. Or his strength. It made me feel safe. It made me feel protected.

"That's not what I mean," he slightly smiles as he corrects me, "Don't be afraid of loving me, I mean."

"L-love?" I choke out, my face must've looked like a ghost.

"you can't be afraid of loving me, because I can't change my mind while I'm already free falling headfirst. I can't take it back, I can't change it, and I can't act like you're not every single thought in my mind. I can never change how much I love you, and I don't want to, because I know exactly what I want." He says it so slowly, like it's so obvious, with so much conviction. He is speaking his truth. I had my turn, now it is his.

"I don't care that I go crazy out of mind everyday because of you, because you are exactly what I want," He says softer now, lower, like it's a thought I just happen to be overhearing. We're so close to one another, his lips brush mine with his words. I can hear his heart beat, or is that mine? I can feel his warmth, his breath, I can feel every time his eyelashes blink.

"I'm so afraid of loving you," I whisper back sadly, before just going ahead and closing the millimeter between our lips, my heart shaped, cold lips pressing hardly against his full, warm lips. This isn't soft like our first kiss. This isn't sweet like our first kiss. It's like we are trying to heal ourselves, and the other is the only medicine. It's like I'm drowning in a sea, and he's my only lifeline. We're kissing away our fear.