The Eternal Shadow

Chapter 26

XXVI

Guy was still plagued by dizziness.

He had been told by his carers to take it easy but he wanted to be up and about. Problem was that his body had other ideas and fainting spells were the result.

"What are you doing? A few days ago you almost died! Have you forgotten that already?" Jenkins was exasperated - despite all warnings Guy seemed incapable of taking it easy.

Guy shook his head, no, he hadn't forgotten, indeed his body was intent on reminding him, (having him black out whilst doing nothing more strenuous than kissing his lady for example), it was just that he could not allow himself the luxury of a long convalescence and he certainly wouldn't be permitted one as soon as Vaisey returned. Everyone else might have forgotten about the old man but Guy most certainly had not.

Better to prepare yourself, weakness won't cut it with him.

He tried to explain this to Jenkins but the healer could only shake his head and remind him that the body healed in it's own time and not according to wishes or orders.

"You have been poisoned! This is not something you can just ignore and carry on with your day - who knows what the long-term effects will be? Please, if not for yourself then think of her..." Jenkins spoke quieter now, not wishing for Francesca, who had briefly ducked out the door for a breath of air, to overhear him. "I know not your plans but don't let me end up having to comfort her because you end up half dead due to over-exertion."

Guy nodded and felt a wave of shame wash over him. What was he doing here? She had done all she could to get him through this and here he was rushing headlong back into the mess that was his life. Had he not been given another chance? Was that not what this was? He owed her his life and yet what could he offer her?

How could he be worthy of her?

How could they go forwards from this?

The shadow of Vaisey loomed over them as did that of her father and even if through some miracle they should be allowed to marry, he had nothing; neither wealth nor land...

They were adrift...

and as much as he longed to be with her, to give her all that she deserved, he knew somewhere inside himself that it was not right, that he was not right, that perhaps it would be better to leave her be...

but then she would look at him with that way... and God forgive him, weak and selfish creature that he was, he could not.

It was this he was thinking of as she came back inside, smiling at Jenkins who was on his way out to fetch supplies. She was about to take her usual spot at Guy's bedside but hesitated upon seeing him frowning;

"Is everything alright?"

Where to begin with all that troubled him? How to explain to her?

Fortunately, she could guess what was on his mind: "You are thinking of Lord Vaisey?"

Yes mouse I am, it shouldn't be allowed for me to think of one such as him when I am with one such as you but I do...

"He came here whilst you were ill with fever, he saw me here... He will tell my father I know..." Her voice was tired and despondent; she knew what was coming just as he did.

"I could ask him not to."

"I doubt it would make any difference." She smiled sadly and Guy could only nod his head. Vaisey was not to be bargained with and certainly not when he had an advantage over somebody.

"My father always told me that nobody would ever care for me, how strange that now that somebody does, he opposes it," she shrugged helplessly, "I don't think I will ever understand him."