DISCONTINUED | You Take My Breath Away

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗗𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲

24/11/1991

6:48 PM

We lost you. We lost you, Freddie. Twenty-eight years ago today. I can not explain what I'm feeling right now. Shock, sadness, anger, exclusion, grief, loneliness..

I didn't want to wake up this morning. It feels different, yet I haven't really told anyone around me how much this day matters. How sad I am. I just put on that fake smile every day. Pretending I'm ok. I'm in a dark place at the moment and I just feel like I don't need this. None of us need this. You should be here. You should be with us, and god damn, hell whoever gave you that vicious disease. Perhaps they didn't know they had it, but if they did.. Oh God, that makes me so mad. You don't deserve the world as it is a horrible, vulgar place with disgusting people. People who destroy our planet for money. Who throw away their children's lives for money.
Who ridicule, make fun of, and hurt others for money. We're disgusting. I am so ashamed to call myself a human. I hate being under the same name and category as them. You don't deserve it either. You deserve so much more. So much more.

What would you want, Freddie? What would you want. For us? For yourself? For Brian, Roger and Deaky? Where do you think we should all be? Where should we be, if we didn't have those other rotten people. Why couldn't we all just be good? Why couldn't we all be like you?

I miss you. I have never wanted you here more than I do now. I want your words. Not replayed ones that I hear from a video, not ones that I read from a quote, I need your words. Your words. That come from your mouth. New words. That I haven't heard before. Personal ones.

It just pisses me off that I had to fall in love with you. With you and no one else. Because Freddie, I'll never have the opportunity to meet you, see you, hug you, talk to you. Unlike others, I have to just miss you and do nothing else. We all have to. We just have to miss. That's it.

As I said, I'm in a dark place right now so this letter to you is probably deeply aggravated. I also doubt this letter makes any sense and is a complete mess because I don't know how to explain my feelings for you. Everything I love about you. Every single little thing. I'm not sure if you read my diaries. I always got bored of doing them so instead of "Dear Diary", I write "Dear Freddie". Makes it a lot more interesting. I know who I'm talking to and I can expect the reaction. If you do Freddie, you'll know a whole lot about me. How hopeless and selfish I am, how horrible I can be.. And I'm ashamed. I'm very ashamed at some of my actions and I will always regret them. And I hate myself for it. You'll see how weak I am at fighting. For myself. You'll see how fucked up my family is.
How something has happened to all of us.

I need your guidance Freddie, and I don't have it. But I want it. I need it to be a good person. I miss you so much. I can't even explain it.

I love you.

Sorry about this guys, I was in the middle of writing a chapter and I'm not really doing well right now so that's the reason for the delay.
I'm sad to say today is the day we lost Freddie. 28 years ago. It feels so strange and I hope you all are ok, I know we're upset but we just have to get through it. I've never felt so much grief.

Right now I'm writing a one shots book but I think today I'll post a chapter on Freddie. One about this day 28 years ago. It'll be sad but.. I just want to do as much things as I can for him. Thank you for reading 💕