So much of me is so confusing and i dont understand myself. I just realized i get mad at other people when they bring up their parents or money and all of these other things. I never understood why i did and it got me thinking. I get mad at other people because i am jealous of them. It is a terrible feeling to have toward your friends and loved ones just because their life is good. I should be happy about people completing things and getting things, but i am not i get frustrated because i have nothing and have done nothing. Yes i know i am not the least privileged kid in the world but where i have some things that are minor i lose very important things. For example i may have a computer and a TV and a motorcycle but i don't have a dad or any trophies to my name. I am not going to letter in high school because i didn't do anything. My last chance to make a name for myself in high school is to win the Skills USA motorcycle competition. That is a very far fetched goal for me to have though because there will be a lot of competition and i am not very smart when it comes to this subject. I am going to be studying harder than i ever have in my life. I am starting to ramble back to the problem at hand. I get jealous at people and it is fucking stupid and i wanna change it. I dont know if i can though. I am so focused on money and getting myself farther in life that i lose out on so much and i dont stop to think about the moment and enjoy it. The only time i slow down to enjoy the "scenery" is when i am hanging out with my Girlfriend or driving my truck through the back roads. I need to work harder on enjoying life and stop chasing after things so much. I cant remember so much of the past because i am always looking forward and i guess some people envy that because i am never hung up on the past i am always trying to move forward and look ahead.
