SURRENDER

EXCERPT

2012

He watched her now, something in his chest tightening – squeezing the breath out of him like whatever it was wanted some acknowledgement. 

He refused to give it.

Belle's straight hair was swaying freely with the wind, her honey brown eyes focused on the horizon. Though Krion had been with so many beautiful girls, he always thought Belle was exquisite. There was something about her that just made him look.

Maybe it was just the beer making its way to his system, compelling him to be a sappy little shit, but the sunset was beautiful, and he was with a beautiful girl, and his heart may be hammering and beating at his chest like a crazed war drum, but he truly felt at peace. 

In that moment.

How strange.

"Gasgas na ang linyang 'to," Belle said after a few heartbeats. Nakatingin parin ito sa kawalan. "Pero minsan, Krion, kailangan talaga nating maging mahina, sumuko at tanggapin ang mga bagay na nangyari na. Kasalanan mo man o hindi, ginusto mo man o hindi, ikaw ang nabuhay. The least you can do for your twin is to live the life he would've loved to live with you. You should live for the two of you, you know. From what I heard, your twin sounded like a really good guy. I bet kung nandito lang siya, sinuntok ka na niya. You're wasting the life he sacrificed his own for you. Do you think he'd be proud of what you've become? Alam kong wala ako sa lugar na pagsabihan ka kasi hindi ko naman alam ang lahat ng nangyari. But it's not even about making your father proud or proving your worth to everyone who thought you were the one who should've died anymore. It's about making good of the life Kean gave up for you. Stop blaming yourself and quit thinking about the what-could-have-beens. Wala ka na rin namang magagawa. Remember him and come alive. Remember him and live. So live. Live, Krion." Belle turned to him and smiled. "Kaya laban lang, okay? Mabuhay ka naman. Tsaka hindi lang para kay Kean ha. Lalong lalo na, para sa'yo."

Krion thought her smile was more beautiful than the sunset.

Hindi niya alam kung ano ang nangyari. Narinig niya na ang iba't-ibang bersyon ng mga sinabi nito mula sa iba't-ibang tao magmula nang mamatay ang kakambal niya at naiwan siya para harapin ang mundo ng mag-isa. Paulit-ulit, those words were said, screamed and punched at him.

But for the first time in the last seven years he actually felt something, the tightening in his chest a testament to it.

He looked at the sky. Do you want me to, Kean? Do you want me to live?