This, is Touri Cowell.

Destructive Habits

“Lindsey, how old are you?” I sniffed and leaned forward to her in the drivers seat. Liam gave me a look from the passenger seat, he knew what I was up to, I did it to the intern last week.

“25, why?”

I smirked as I felt Niall shift excitedly in his seat, “Can you get me a bottle rum and some coke?” I slid her a 50 dollar bill.

She chuckled in her seat, mocking me a bit, “No.” she said simply.

“But--”

Zayn interrupted me from the row of seats behind me, “Our flight to London is tomorrow Touri, you can wait.”

“You can wait.” I mocked him in a high pitched tone and leaned back and rolled the window down pulling a cigarette out of my shirt. Liam gave me a look as I lit it shrugging off his thoughts I leaned out the window taking in Los Angeles air as I blew out a puff of smoke. I'm not going to lie, I really loved America, I just wanted to go back home to my flat. I wanted my little white, blue eyed puppy and my fuzzy slippers. I flicked the butt out and rolled the window back up. Zayn looked at me, almost upset with me.

“What?” I sighed, coughing looking at him in the seat next to me.

“I thought you were going to stop, for the fans.”

I looked at him guiltily, “Well I uh...” I used the excuse to get out of the car not to answer him. I clicked into the hotel and straight to the throng of fans, talking, taking pictures, and signing things for them. I took note of the small gym next to the pool and then went up stairs with the boys. I suggested to them while we were in the elevator unfortunately all I got were a few “Fuck that”s except for Liam who said sure, I groaned in my mind, he was going to wring me by the neck for my smoking habits. As I made my way to my room to slide on my black spandex and my red sports bra I thought about my destructive habits. I'm not proud, but then again, you've got to Live While We're Young... Right? There, I found my excuse for my excessive drinking. I slipped on my work out shoes and headed for Liam's room to get him before going down stairs. I settled on a treadmill as Liam situated himself on the one next to me,

“Touri, you know you've got to stop being so.... Self destructive.”

I closed my eyes and listened to my steady foot steps,

“Yolo, right? Live while we're young?”

He sighed, “They're not supposed to be used in such a... Careless way, Touri, do it for the fans.”

I bit my lip, he had a point. These fans were basically all I had and the boys. The boys, my fans, and Uncle Simon were the only real people I had in my life. My parents were fake as shit. Ever since me and the boys started making bank they turned into money sucking leeches, they didn't even care that I was their daughter. Sometimes, I wish that my parents were like Harry's mom, loving and just... loving. Maybe that was my problem. Oh well, I wasn't going to stop until... Well, I wanted to.

After we came back from the gym I got into the shower while the boys started to play a film in my room. They could tell I was being bothered by something we were just linked like that... If one of us were feeling bad the other 5 would pick up on it and try to cheer the other up. When Liam and Danielle broke up we didn't even have to ask. Films were our way talking it out. I hated talking and so watching Love Actually was my way of crying it out. Basically it was an excuse to cry. Things like my parents and my destructive patterns were finally catching up to me and I just needed my 5 big, fat teddy bears. That's what they are to me, teddy bears that I could use as security, someone to sleep with those lonely nights where you realize that nobody will ever want you and you'll die with a hundred cats, someone to eat ice cream and watch chic flicks with while you were on your period. They were great, but we had a way not letting each other in the “Friendzone” we just have our ways. You'll see one I get further in this story but right now, I'm just worried about the pictures of my translucent shirt on Twitter and Tumblr right now. The posts were mocking but funny at the same time, our male fans had made some sort of sick joke out of it. That was my favorite thing about our fans, the dirty jokes, the nasty Fan fictions. (Yes, we read those, don't be surprised.) But, I loved my fans and I loved the ones that hated me, and just me. I loved how they thought the could get me out of the band that easily. I just loved them.