'Moon Shapes'

Chapter 39: Eat your Din-Din Dear! (Talek)

"My dear son... you can not go around claiming these types of allegations, and not have any truth to them..." she coached.

"... by who's word... his! ... it shouldn't matter the reasoning of when it is said... only by who it's said from!" I blubbered out. "... it happened over and repeatedly... and you did, Nothing!" I huffed in a breath; keeping the sobbing from cutting off has been eating at me for years and effecting my ability to get it all out while I had the chance.

"No one is that careless or blind... only those who care only about themselves... and fuck whoever should be in the way..." I exploded.

She lifted her hand in protest; imitating a stop sign. "I've let you speak... but its enough." She interjected.

A mist glared over my left eye in her dismissal; as if no care could be mustered behind that stark
& opaque face. Then like a thousand arrows piercing into my heart with exact archery, the understanding commanded the forefront from the fear.

"Do you... even... care?" I stressed. I had already concluded the answer but a part of me wanted to believe that my contemplation could utterly be wrong.

"... I care enough." she insisted. The syllables barely flowing from under her breath.

The mist had finally formed a heavy drop, as it fell onto my cheek; soaking instantly into the blistering cheek.

My head fell along with another hard droplet, I watched it descend quickly into the ground.

"You don't believe me...?" My throat digging to sound out the question.

"I believe you, Talek." A soothing voice declared as footsteps approached us.

Dannity... though the soothing effect quickly vanished as the other pair of footsteps belonged to my assailant; abuser; the culprit behind the anger and nightmares that never leave myself for one second.

The smug and contempt he leered back at me, dipped only further down the distain whipping my veins; it purely infuriated even more so, the grief spiraling out of my limbs; up my chest; and climbing from my esophagus; slipping in between my teeth... peeking the scene from my parted lips.

As they took a stand around the fire, I glared back up to the woman who gave me life; whom I loved; but, for what reasons, always evaded any morsel of a grasp and turned into another stabbing in every emotional heart crushing that could be imaginable; unintentionally or expertly crafted; this hurt... hate... betrayal... it all had to end – one way or another.

Her beaming eyes, shimmering and dancing along with the fires every lick of flame. Her toes peek-a-booing with the few steps she took towards me. Bending her elongated frame downward to meet my body kneeling on the ground. An extreme almond shaped fingernail belonging to her slender hand, pecked under my chin; searing into my eyes, as an animal would before taking a fatal bite; she smiled maleficently.

"My baby boy... you have always been much stronger than those who've caused you harm... but you mustn't show weakness to those who would see to your demise... to let your guard down for a second is a mistake... that should only be made once..." she paused for a short second; shifting her focus to Dannity and him then bringing her full attention back to me. "I knew..." she whispered in such faintness.

"Now granted, I cannot undo the past but certainly I can make things more...err... balanced."

The contortions somersaulting from one (confusion; anger; hate; disgust) pose to another, must've gave all the impressions that were unconceivable to permanently remain to my face.

She tilted her head to her left side, bringing her free hand to the forefront with a moist bundle of muscle sitting promptly upright in the palm of her hand.

"This is what can give you such power to bring down your... err... adversaries... only if you choose to do so."

I barely understood much her words as the one which stood out, "I knew..." repeated as if my mind were stuck by the needle of a vinyl player.

My heart seemed to convulse... shake; unreliable with conclusions that couldn't make any sense – I was slipping from this all too extreme reality... small movements; tap by tap into a euphoric state. Were my silent prayers finally being heard and answered; to show me the way out?

Were my eyes exhaustively trying to pry open to the heart wrenching truth? A truth that meant the family you are born in to, means little to nothing; total shit!

I kneeled there assembling the few souls that have enhanced my existence just by being there; then like a lightning bolt obliterating that last grand century oak tree, I understood it's the family you make throughout your lifetime that only matters and ultimately counts at the end of the day.

This person in front of me, wasn't capable of portraying what a mother should've been; this... this... soul was... a... sadistic monster. Her outer exterior, subtle and demanding, quickly rose in heated passion; squishing the vital ticker against me; I pressed my lips tightly; refusing to let the gooey organ enter my mouth. But the almond shaped fingernail, grew with the addition of the other razors; knifing into the back of my neck one by one, till they were bone deep; sending shock waves all over; causing a wail to bellow out, and the organ to wrench my orifice wider than it should be.

"Eat it... my dear!" she hissed.

I scuffed and whimpered between the pain, and as my teeth cut into the gamey meat like over hardened Jell-O. The stinging pitted at my pupils; a change had suddenly taken my heartbeat to radical rhythms, as pieces of the chewed heart slivered down my throat. My skin grew to burn; my veins pulsating; the view of everything melted from graphic colors to shingles of grey; what was happening?

A slight panic knocked at my core; was this the final transformation my body could handle? The formations that I've yet to understand in complete convictions. Though one thing was certain; clear as purified quartz; I refused to spare any more liquid for their misfortunes; their failures to hold to the consequences of their actions; which had nothing to do with my innocence; the life I choose or mine heart; I refuse to let these carved cold absence's in my soul to which I've come to rely on day after day to just be able to breathe shape the rest of my life.

The limit had been quenched long before this night; but in all things, it's taken a toll of time; heart whippings; mental attacks to realize that I am more powerful than the depression or anxiety had led me down hell-bent roads – blinding me forward to see; better late than never seeing myself be stronger and standing up to those who've beaten me mentally; emotionally and physically.

Even if I shouldn't make it out of this night, I have finally reached the understanding to what I never needed from anyone but of myself – to make peace with that none of it was my fault; not her neurosis; his repeated violations; the disturbing visions and disconsolate feelings that plagued me through the years..."

"It... was... never... my... fault." I whispered wearily.

Not since the night I kissed Danni in the hallway, have I felt a smile reach up my cheeks. I felt at ease for the first time as my head fall back and reap the release that found my chest as I repeated the sentiment within my head.

None of it was ever my fault.

I opened my eyes to the rippling smoke reaching the night sky and onward to the thumping pebbles of stars.

Then as if I had swallowed a horse sized pill of all the emotions banging in me; the rage swept away any resonating hollow-out feelings remaining. I stood; lifting off my sleepy knees and from my place on the mildewed grass; wiping away any debris I saw. I looked on to them all; standing complacent in my composure.

"I wish... you all to...burn." I condemned.