Trochilidae

Chapter 1: I'm Fine

Beep... Beep... Beep...

The beeping of the heart rate monitor continues to echo inside the room, so did the water in the IV drop as it goes plink... plink... plink..., creating an atmosphere of solemnity.

The sounds of chattering add up to the melancholic environment, notably the voice of the doctor who was explaining something to Beomgyu. Although her words were quite indistinct, making it hard for me to figure out what she was saying to him; at least, to figure out the exact words.

But from what I know, and from the usual, it was about his condition. Nothing too surprising, but it would always give me a queasy feeling.

Her gentle and calming voice adds up to the mood. But despite this calmness, I'm pretty sure it wasn't assuring. Especially with that mild shock that Beomgyu had shown through his face, masking it with that usual forced smile a second later. That forced smile that seemed so natural to him...

Beomgyu, why do you always have to hide it?

A quick nod of the head is what I saw from the doctor. Beomgyu pursed his lips and watched as the doctor walked away from him. Clipboard clutched in between her arm and chest, stance remaining upright, she walked past me as her heels tap against the tiled floor, echoing throughout the peaceful hospital corridor.

Leaning against the door jamb, hands shoved inside my pockets, I watched as the doctor walked further and further away before stopping by to check up on another patient. Fisting her hand, she knocked on the door one, two times before entering the room, masking her weariness with another fake smile.

I sigh. Typical.

I glanced back at Beomgyu, caught him smiling faintly at me. "Hi," is what he says to me, trying his best to reach his usual happy tone.

I smile back at him. "Hi, Beomgyu."

Beomgyu grins at me. Even with this condition, his smile is still as sweet as ever. Though, this smile of his had a hint of bitterness, as if he was struggling to be enthusiastic.

I stood from my position and walked towards him, closing the door behind me. I sat on the chair next to Beomgyu's side, he watches me as I do so as the smile of his remained unwavering.

It was peaceful silence that surrounded us. Not as tense nor uncomfortable as it should be (or as I expected), but it was serene enough to bring me ease. At least enough ease for the moment.

I gazed into his eyes, as he does so with mine. From what I see, within those deep eyes of his, I could barely see a flame of hope burning within. However, the fire seemed to be fading, dying. And this tightened my heart.

I held onto his hand, gave it a light squeeze. "How are you?" I asked as my eyes remained locked onto his.

His smile widens, but it seemed more forced again. "I'm fine..."

I pursed my lips and nodded, hummed in understanding. At least, I'm trying to understand. Out of the spur of curiosity, I ask, "what did the doctor say to you?"

"Nothing new... Just about my condition."

I nodded again.

My eyes glance from his own to his hands to which I'm caressing ever so gently. His hands, it wasn't this cold before, from the last time I held them. It was probably because of the air conditioning unit that filled the room with coldness, or it was probably because of something else, something that I fear to be true.

We retained this silence for a little longer. Not from the reason of wanting to keep it, but because I didn't know what to say to him. And as it seemed, he too didn't know what to say to me. But this atmosphere of tranquility was enough to give me room to think, some space to recollect my thoughts.