Trochilidae

Chapter 9: Everything Will Be Alright

Beep... Beep... Beep...

The beeping of the heart rate monitor continues to beat steadily, and the dripping of the fluid inside of the IV bag resonates in this still room. These elements had added up to the sorrowful mood that settled in the air. For these were ingredients that brought a heaviness to this already-heavy atmosphere.

There I stand at the foot of the bed where Beomgyu had laid, hands kept inside my pockets as I look at my best friend with an almost emotionless, half-lidded stare. I look at him with a wordless gaze; at my best friend who had been bed-ridden for a while now.

Beomgyu's eyes were closed, breathing through tubes that were attached to his nose. The rise and fall of his chest were uneven, and he just looked so pale. Pale and drawn than ever before. Beomgyu's physical state wasn't the same. He used to be full of color. His skin used to glow, and his warm smile was as bright as any shining star that I've ever seen; he used to be full of life. But the Beomgyu that I see now, he wasn't as radiant. He almost looked like a corpse; he was cold and frail. The energy that once powered his very core was drained out. He looked like a dying star. Dull, colorless, and lifeless.

I pursed my lips as I bite back the emotions that were building up inside of me, resisting the urge to break down. My restless mind runs around, trying to capture the newborn, anxious thoughts that had jumped out of its crib. I had so many emotions running through me right now, emotions that I just want to let out. However, I did my best to keep it in. But, despite my best efforts to stifle the inner pain, a few of my tears had managed to escape, filling my eyes and blurring my vision.

For a while, I had been stuck in my headspace. But when I saw movements coming from my best friend, I snapped out of my thoughts. I quickly (and roughly) wiped my tears with my arm; sniffled as I looked at my best friend with this fragile gaze.

Beomgyu blinks his eyes, waking up. Once he manages to keep his eyes slightly open, he notices my presence and turns to me. Looking through his lashes, he weakly smiles. "Hi..." He greets softly. His voice was hoarse and crackling, and even though it had sounded distressing, even if his smile looked forced, I could tell that he was trying his best to be happy.

He always tried to assure me, and every time it had somewhat worked.

But not anymore.

Despite the stinging of my heart to hear Beomgyu sounding so weak, I smile through it. "Hi, Beomgyu." I try to tell him that I was feeling all right through this smile, to show him that I wasn't anxious. But it wasn't convincing enough.

However, at this point, it seems as if Beomgyu has given up on giving his excuses.

I proceed to sit next to Beomgyu, and as I sit, we never broke our gaze. We kept that gaze of ours, yet I could tell that it was getting even more fragile the more seconds that had passed. We continue to stare wordlessly, and I try my best to read what was in my best friend's mind.

But, despite my attempt, I couldn't. Beomgyu was unreadable, for he had put on a facade to conceal his emotions. The mask tells me that everything was all right, even when it was so obviously not.

It was the same mask that he wears every single day of his life.

Beomgyu just continues to smile at me. I, on the other hand, was trying to formulate the words that I had wanted to say to him. I clench my fist that was starting to become clammy, my throat had tied into a knot, and a layer of mist had blurred my vision with the tears that I had tried to hold back. I open my mouth, about to say something, but I couldn't seem to get my words past my knotted throat.

Eventually, I was able to sputter something out. "B-Beomgyu," I start, swallowing my saliva afterward. "W-why..." I briefly closed my eyes and lowered my head, mustering up the courage to spit out the words that I needed to say. The question that I had been desperate to ask ever since I found out.