Trochilidae

Chapter 5: I Can't Lose You

Here I am, once again walking through the familiar hallways of the hospital, heading my way to the room where my best friend was confined.

My head was kept hung low, my irises were fixed towards the ground, and my mind was flooded with a reservoir of troubling, melancholic thoughts.

There were a lot of things that were going through my head right now; problems and thoughts that were more or less related to schoolwork. It was something that I needed to think about, something that I needed to ponder on without having to fry up my mind. Although, however, thinking of such things with a despondent mindset wasn't any of help, especially when walking through corridors that were filled with an environment of pain, remorse, and depression.

Even inside a hospital that seems peaceful, there were a ton of different sounds that I could hear from open doors, from people talking with one another in a gloomy state, and from hospital equipment such as heart rate monitors that add up to the melancholic mood, sending chills down my spine.

A depressive atmosphere surrounds the hospital, and in no doubt does it affect me. Taking my time to—reluctantly—look around, I have come to notice the faces of patients, visitors, and medical staff, having a common expression planted on their faces; something that I was now used to seeing as I have become accustomed to this environment.

Frowns upon frowns are what I see, from people who are struggling to hold onto that thread of hope, struggling to keep on a cheerful facade for the ill. Others were praying for the betterment of the patient, praying to the Lord with rosaries for healing and salvation. Rarely, however, do I see the faces of sheer bliss, rejoicing from the recovery of the individual from whatever sickness that they were diagnosed with. On this specific floor, rarely are those who smile and cry in happiness for someone's recovery.

Because, from what I've observed, it is rare for someone from this floor to get discharged, completely recovered.

Although, most of the time, people try their best to put on fake smiles, even when the fire that keeps them going was dying; barely having enough oxygen to stay as strong as it should. They put on fake smiles for the patient to bring in a feeling of hope, a sense of euphoria for the moment, even when there's nothing to be happy about. Good news maybe. But when there's no news to give or when the worse could only happen, then putting on a mask is the best card that they could play while keeping their tears at bay and smiling through the pain.

Like me whenever I pay my best friend a visit.

Because every time I go to him, every time I see him, pale and bed-ridden, I bottle up my tears and I endure the pain for him.

These troubling and depressive thoughts had occupied my head, but whenever something like this happens, I would always remind myself of the smile that Beomgyu would show me. His warming, comforting smile... it was enough to tug my lips to a wistful smirk, to bring in a little sense of hope and assurance within me.

If he were in my shoes right now, he would smile for his best friend, which is why I would do the same no matter how heart-wrenching the situation was.

Nothing else processed in my head other than the voices of the disheartened. I shook my head, trying to stay focus and to stay positive, even while my surroundings continue to discourage me. But when the sounds of people running became distinguishable, their haphazard footsteps getting louder and louder and softer, I couldn't help but look up, wondering what was going on.

I could see people running to a specific room, nurses rushing inside and checking on the patient in a haphazard manner, having alarmed yet ready looks planted on their faces as they bring in the emergency stretcher into the room.