Why Does Rain Fall

Kaelynn

It has been about a year and a half, she was in ninth grade now. Growing up, growing far away from the world. She and Paul had been done for about two months now. It hurt her heart to think about it, the way he had treated her. Her mom cried for her almost every day, and the only thing she could do was stare into space, trying not to cry. Her heartfelt so empty just as her days. Gianna and her didn't talk anymore, she had pushed her away. She pushed Jake away too.

"Why are you doing this?" Jake cried.

"We're here for you, sugar." Gianna was on the verge of tears.

Kaelynn didn't answer. She stood there. She stared straight ahead with no emotion. It made Jake and Gianna more upset.

They had stopped her on her way to class. They asked her why she wasn't answering their texts, why she wasn't going to theater practices anymore, why she wasn't eating at school. They asked her everything, and the only response she could think of was that she didn't know. In all honesty, she didn't really know. Her world collapsed after Paul. Everything was going well after the first month or so, then he started to change. He started ignoring her more and more, and for some reason, Kaelynn didn't do anything about it. He ignored her so much.

Paul and Kaelynn's relationship was the worst possible thing. He ignored her, got mad at her, yelled at her. He never really hurt her physically, but Kaelynn thought it would be better then what he was doing. Jake and Gianna told her to get out of it, run far far away from it and never look back, but she didn't listen. She didn't know why, and it shattered her. Why wasn't she good enough? She thought she wasn't good enough for him. It continued to seep into her self image until it reached the worst point. She thought she wasn't good enough for food. Food of all things, she thought later. She stopped eating, and she couldn't do anything to change the habit. The rest is history.

"Please tell us what's wrong, Kae." Jake was almost crying, his voice sounded weak.

"We're your friends! You can talk to us." Gianna was crying.

Kaelynn could've done anything. She could've finally fallen into their arms and had everything return to the way it was before Paul. She could go back to their late-night calls and chats, their weekend binges while eating the night away on cake and ice cream. Everything would be amazing.

"I'm fine," Kaelynn mumbled, and she walked away.

She heard Gianna break down crying and Jake comforting her. She could feel their eyes on the back of her neck. She kept walking. With every step, she was getting further and further away from her best friends in the whole world. She hated what she was doing. She thought she was saving them, saving them from herself and all of her bad luck she had brought.

She kept walking.

She didn't think she would have to explain every event to herself, the first to seventh breakup that they had, she remembered them all. She remembered every time he came crawling back, she took him. She hated herself for it, but now that she had finally swam away from the shipwreck, she didn't know what to do. She just walked through life, like a husk. Yet every time she reminded herself of it, it hurt. It hurt so much to think that someone who she had loved so dearly betrayed her.

The final breakup was the most devastating.

"Kaelynn, can we talk?" He walked up to her without the bright eyes she had once known.

"Oh, so now you want to talk. What?"

"We need to breakup. It's not you... it's just, there's no room in my life for you."

"What the fuck does that mean?" She was getting mad. Her heart sank.

"I haven't had time to focus on myself and my friends. I'm sorry. I hope we can be friends." He smiled, it didn't mean anything to her.

"You're just going to leave me? Just like that?"

"Kaelynn, I can't worry about you anymore. I haven't had enough time to focus on myself and my family. My family means so much to me, Kaelynn."

"I thought I meant something to you, too."

"I'm so sorry, I am so sorry, Kaelynn." He kept apologizing.

"I can help you, you know," her heart sank. "I can help you, you won't have to worry about me anymore, I promise, Paul." Her heart sank a little more.

"No, Kaelynn. It's just that I don't want to date."

"That's bullshit!" She was screaming now, her heart was sinking slowly.

"Kaelynn, please don't get mad. You have to understand, I love you, but I don't want to be with you. I know it doesn't make sense..."

"Damn right, it doesn't make sense. We were so happy yesterday, sitting on the couch playing video games." She started crying. Her heart kept sinking. "What happened?"

"Nothing, Kaelynn... it's just,"

"What is wrong with me?" She screamed. Her heart sank again.

"Nothing, Kaelynn! I don't like you anymore!" He yelled back.

Her heart was almost gone. "...what?"

"I'm sorry." He walked away. She hit rock bottom.

In time she came to the realization that he wasn't coming back. She hated that feeling more than anything. It hurt so much, it felt like her heart wasn't there anymore. She didn't think it was there anymore.

She had talked to Gianna and Jake, back when she was still pretending to be fine. They had agreed to meet up and talk, like a regular day. They were talking about the latest video game, mocking every character that tried to do something cool or amazing. Jake's whole life was about military video games. Kaelynn hated the idea of Jake going into the military, but she didn't want to stop him.

"So then all I had to do was land the final blow and take the trophy!" Jake sat back in his cocky "victory" pose. Gianna laughed.

"I still could've beat him. Don't you think, Kaelynn?" Gianna raised an eyebrow.

"Kaelynn has better taste in combat than you." Jake nudged her in the arm.

Jake was a very tall, shaggy brown-haired kid, a contrast to Gianna's short build and her cleanly pulled back blonde hair. Jake was skinny and tall, Gianna was a little chubby and short. Jake always wore something camo, sometimes double the camo, as Gianna called it. A camo jacket and camo pants, a real fashionista. Then again, Gianna didn't have very good taste, either. She always wore something flashy, she wore leggings with bright patterns. They made Gianna happy just by wearing them, so who was she to judge?

"Kaelynn? You good?" Jake sat up, spin straight and alert.

"Yeah. So Paul and I broke up."

There was a pause. "I'm sorry, sugar. It was for the best."

"If it was for the best then why does it hurt so much?"

Jake and Gianna froze as Kaelynn broke down. They hugged her and as she sobbed. Her voice weak, repeating, "Why did he leave?" and "I could've helped him". Gianna and Jake didn't say anything, there wasn't anything to say. It felt nice to be hugged by her friends, it was a feeling she missed. 

"Baby, I don't know. Guys are like that. Do you want to tell us what happened?" Gianna sat back.

"Yeah, we're here." Jake sat back, too. He grabbed Kaelynn's hand while Gianna had the other.

"I don't know. I went to his house yesterday, too. He said there wasn't enough room in his life for me, I don't even get that! What does that mean?" She was crying so hard, she couldn't feel her heart anymore, it made her anxious.

"That's a BS excuse." Gianna rolled her eyes.

"It really is, he's a dumbass, Kaelynn. He left a beautiful girl like you." Jake stopped to brush his hair out of the way.

"Why did he?"

"I don't know, sugar." Gianna was rubbing her back now.

"Sometimes..." Jake paused. He looked up at Gianna.

"Sometimes," Gianna continued, "Sometimes you have to let people go."

Kaelynn started crying harder. The pain was too much.

That was the last time the three of them were part of a group.