My Replacement Husband

My Replacement Husband (11) Confrontation

I WASN'T SURE WHAT I WAS EXPECTING TO READ.

I hadn't touched the book after I read the first page which was more of a blurb than anything else. I was nervous about what the book would be about. Evan was a complicated person underneath his easy-going exterior. He wasn't like Kathy, who despite her sometimes shallow front, could be very emotional and sensitive when her loved ones were hurting. He wasn't like Ethan who simply expressed how he felt without qualms.

He was Evan Morgan who didn't like to share his thoughts except when he was writing. I believed one of the reasons Evan was such a great writer was because he put all the emotions he couldn't express outwardly on paper. It was like the minute he started putting pen to paper an avalanche of his deepest desires, feelings, and beliefs had broken loose inside him.

I held off reading until the day of our dinner arrangement came along, and I was forced to read otherwise seem like I was incompetent. The story, untitled, turned out to not by any means be an autobiography, but it felt immensely personal to read. It felt like I got a glimpse into Evan's head, his thoughts about love and life, through his character's eyes. Despite having dated him for two years, albeit it was a while ago, I suddenly felt like cold water was thrown on me as I read through the book from the eyes of his main lead:

"When I saw her, sitting alone in that coffee shop, it was far from love at first sight. I knew her type: she was afraid of change, a pushover for the people she loved, and incredibly indecisive. It wasn't like I suddenly grew to love those qualities either, but I learned that I loved how this girl accepted who she was without excusing her behavior either. She wasn't that girl you had to know. She wasn't the manic pixie girl of your dreams either. She was so herself it was almost to a fault, and I'm sorry to have met her and more sorry to have let her go."

I soaked in those works for a second after reading that paragraph before I decided that it didn't feel right reading this. I wasn't sure if it was because I was Evan's ex-girlfriend reading his personal work that he didn't know I was reading or for other reasons, but it didn't sit right with me.

Was it really that personal, though? I asked myself.

Authors didn't always draw upon their own experiences when it came to writing. Books about vampires and werewolves weren't based on true encounters. No matter what argument I could find to keep reading, felt more like half-hearted justification. Regardless if Evan had written about this girl based on his real love life or pure fictional imagination, I wanted to talk to him about it first and tonight would be the perfect night to ask him what he thought about switching his focus on romance instead.

I didn't want to make the choice for him.

It would be a disservice to him for me to decide that either book was better or worse out of my personal opinion. As much as I loved his memoir-esque story drawn from his family life about a father-figure figuring out his life and working through his personal issues, maybe that wasn't the direction Evan really wanted to take his career in and he just needed a push.

I smoothed out the hem of my blouse, taking a good look at myself in the mirror and it was strange to think how fast time seemed to go. It seemed like just yesterday I was a bumbling eighteen-year-old who got lost in the subway station. Today, I was a bumbling adult who now knew how to navigate a turnstile but was having trouble figuring out my life.

The phone ringing broke my thoughts.

It was my mother.

How long had it been since we last talked? The first time I called after I left home was after that fateful meeting with Yoona on the steps of the New York Library. The conversation had been awkward and full of long silences I tried to fill with meaningless small talk. We ended the call after I apologized for what I had done to her and our family.