Is it right to feel this way or is it a problem. At first I was fine but then life took a turn to where I am now. I only get sad and then it turns to mad why can't I be like I was before this all hit at the same time. I don't know how to learn from the pain like everyone else. I think I'm just getting worse. I'm only trying to blame everything on anyone else but me. I don't know how to escape this mindset. I know that life is still happening but it feels like the world stopped. Now I'm just sitting in my room reminding myself of all of my pain that's in my head. I'm thinking of how I know that you're not gonna make it through this time. I'm thinking of why I'm not with you right now even though I know that you're not gonna be here next year. Every time I go to see you I always think it's going to be the last. I think of you and how I'll miss you. I also think of the less important things going on right now. Like how my friend is leaving me to go find another target. Maya you left me on my own on the worse time of my life. You know my grandmother is going to leave soon. So why did you leave me through this time. I don't get selfish people. You told me that you don't want me anymore and then you went off on me. I hope you know that you ruined my whole week. Not only that week but every week after that to. I'm still in pain ever since you left. But at one point I knew that I had to move on. So I went to someone else. He wasn't like she was. He was kind, funny but also had stuff going on in his world. We both got close but now I think we got to close. He deserves to be happy even though it's not with me. We only got into month before you found your love. I sometimes wish it could've been me but even I know that it wouldn't last for long. The girl you have now seems nice and just like you. I get that you loved her but why couldn't you tell me or why couldn't you tell me that we can't even be friends now. I'm going to be honest once you left I felt like I was gone from this world. But then I found a old friend. One that knew me more then I knew myself. He was my heaven. One I still cherish to this day. I want you back but I guess are small conversation we had the other day helped me get a bit more positive. The difference between you and the other last two is that you never hurt me. You never left me on my own. We only stopped talking because life brought us to different directions. I respect all the decisions you made. You never hurt anyone or yourself. I'm thinking about how we can be good for each other and how we can live in both or our worlds together. Now it's just a waiting game to see if I'm going on the bright side or if I'm going to the wrong side again.
