A Picture A Day

Chapter 5: It Be Like That Sometimes

Tw: suicidal thoughts and past/almost current suicidal actions

*fast forward like... 3 weeks*

Adrian's POV

10 years ago I cut my hair
And I changed my name as people stared
And I went on TV and I so did declare
That this is who I am, for anyone that cares

I didn't change who I am
I've always been a man
Still, it changed your world
But dad, I'll always stay your little girl

10 years ago, I know you had a hard time
And I tried and tried, cause I want you in my life
I'm just living true, no doubt in my mind
And these changes they take time you'll find

I didn't change who I am
I've always been a man
Still, it changed your world
But dad, I'll always stay your little girl

I know that you accept me as your son
But that Doesn't mean your daughter ever did a run
I'll always be close to you, no matter what
I love you and no doors are ever shut

I didn't change who I am
I've always been a man
Still, it changed your world
But dad, I'll always stay your little girl

I didn't change who I am,
I've always been a man
Still, it changed your world
But dad, I'll always stay your little girl
But dad, I'll always stay your little girl

I've always liked this song, makes me look forward to the future. Ever since my relapse, lots has happened...

I visited my mom's side of the family for a week, trust me... I don't like them for many reasons... I will tell you this though, I did consider killing myself again while I was there.

There were lots of pill bottles around in my grandparents house.

I had to go by "Anne" around everyone there for a week, it took all of my power to not yell out that I'm not a girl.

My mom yelled at me one of the nights telling me, "you're lucky I accept you! Or else you'd still be wearing all pink and dresses and still have long hair that isn't dyed!"

....all I told her was that I didn't feel comfortable with my grandparents trying to force me to be feminine.

After a week of hell there, I was back in school with my friends and making up a shit ton of homework.

But besides all of that shit, it felt nice, like really nice to be back with my friends, even if I threaten them a lot if they don't shut up.

Now it's back to being concert season and I've gotten two out of three down, thank fuck.

But what I'm most proud about is being clean for almost a month.

I haven't grabbed that razor blade since, I'm actually proud of myself, this is the longest I've been clean actually...

I've always been anxious about what could happen if my friends were to find out about what should hopefully be the last time I grab that razor unless it's to throw it away...

On a sadder note though... I did almost commit suicide twice within these past few weeks, I didn't fully go through with it either time though, so that's good?

Hopefully, this will be the last time something like this happens.

I just have to remember that they're people who care about me.

And I'm not talking about the shitshow of my "family".

But my true family.

My friends.

And when times get rough, I can always joke...

It Be Like That Sometimes