Imbalanced

Chapter Eight

          I stood to leave, afraid I’d pass out if I stayed in there any longer. My brother narrowed his eyes at my mom as I walked passed, they weren’t even paying attention. I could have sworn I heard him say, “I thought you said she was dead.”, right before I’d exited the room completely.

          I needed fresh air. Opening the front door, I stepped onto the concrete and down to the grass. I wasn’t sure I could do this. It was too painful. It was like a wound that had healed up long ago was being reopened.

I didn’t think about my family most of the time, I’d always missed them, but it was like if I didn’t think about them they weren’t real.

Now that I had them back I couldn’t help but think about these past 12 years. I’d never get those back. It hadn’t even been my choice to leave. I’d been taken away from them. I couldn’t even blame myself for this, even though I wanted to. Maybe if I’d not been at the playground, maybe if I’d been a little faster…maybe… maybe… maybe!

I screamed out of frustration, covering my ears. I was losing it. Sitting, I put my back against a tree, letting the cold bark cool the skin underneath my shirt. I couldn’t live with these thoughts, they’d drive me insane. Footsteps sounded in front of me, a twig snapping under a foot.

“You know, for a tiny thing you sure have a loud mouth.” I looked up to find Jason standing in front of me, blocking the little light coming from the street lamp. His hands were in his pockets and a lopsided smile was painted on his face. That smile faded as soon as he saw my pathetic face.

He sat down beside me, playing with a blade of grass. I watched him as if he had all the answers to my question, as if he could solve everything and give me back those 12 years.

“I can’t say I understand how you feel because obviously I don’t,” He didn’t look at me as he talked, just stared at that blade of grass. “I have a loving family; I’ve spent my entire life with them. I have friends, I go to high school, and I’m on the football team. I have a dog. I—“ He stopped, shaking his head and chuckling.

I looked at him like he’d sprouted wings. “Now I’m just bragging. My point is,” He paused, looking into my eyes. “Actually there is no point. All I can tell you is that, although none of us will understand your situation, there are people in your life now that love you, that want a relationship with you.” He shook his head, his hair moving against his forehead. “Look, you’ll never get those 12 years away from everyone back but I can tell you one thing, you’re back now and that’s what matters. You’ve got now, so don’t waste it.”

I hung onto every word he said. Shaking my head, I wiped the tears off my face. “Thank you.” I whispered. He kept staring at me as I sat there taking deep breaths. Somehow he’d known exactly what I needed to hear. At that moment, I knew if I ever needed anyone I’d have him.

Someone cleared their throat, startling me. Jason didn’t seem to be fazed by the sudden noise, he just looked up as if he’d known Kyle was standing there that whole time. Jason stood, brushing off the grass from his jeans.

“If you need anything, I live right there.” He pointed to the house next to ours before walking off, lightly punching Kyle in the shoulder as he went. Kyle wasn’t paying attention and rocked back once, briefly caught off balance. He was just staring at me.

“Hey.” He said once Jason had gone inside his house. He looked quite awkward standing there as he ran a hand through his jet black hair.

“Hi.” I said, pulling myself up to stand next to him. I rubbed my arms, trying to heat them up. It was getting colder outside every day.