The North Star (B. Barnes & S. Rogers)

Chapter Fifteen

Bucky wakes, naked and alone, on the floor of the apartment he and North were in, a blanket around his waist but nothing more. He sits up confused but only for a moment, the memories of what he and North had done rush back, the memory of her skin under his fingers, the taste of her lips, the way she moved. Flashes of bare skin and breathy moans. But she's not here now. And it makes him sad. To think that she left him. He takes a shaky breath and then snaps his head up hearing noise from across the room. Hope blossoms but it's not her. Steve is standing in the kitchen reading over a report, Bucky's eyes shift to him. Waiting for acknowledgement. Steve clears his throat and sets the tablet down before looking back at Bucky.

"She's gone?" Bucky asks Steve who's eyes turn regretful and sad.

"Yeah" Steve answers. "She and Loki left hours ago" Bucky hangs his head and closes his eyes. "Do you remember?"

"Yes" Bucky answers quickly. "Yes, I remember...I'm sorry"

"No" Steve stops him. "No, it's fine....If that what he needed to let you come back...." Bucky rubs his forehead and then brushes his hair back from his face as Steve moves towards him. Steve sits across from him and takes Bucky's hand in his. "I wish I could make this better" Steve admits, Bucky gives him a soft smile. "To find a way to make you both happy without....without someone getting hurt but..."

"Steve" Bucky interrupts. "There was no win here" Bucky admits sadly, his voice breaking slightly. "What Hydra did....what they broke, me and her being in the same place, it wasn't going to work, being around her again, brought all these old feelings up, feelings I though I'd dealt with when I got my memories back, I don't know what would have happened to you and me if she'd stayed" Steve nods.

"And....it was breaking her heart" Steve adds, Bucky nods sadly getting upset, because hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I was" Bucky corrects slightly. "Because I'm not the man she wants me to be....but with her, I wouldn't be the man I want to be"

..............

North looks different, all dressed in her Asgaridan clothing, her hair twirled and twisted into curls to frame her face, make up covering her skin. She looks like Eirlys. The princess that was lost. The princess now returned. And she's still miserable. But being here is better than being on Earth. She takes a breath, staring into the mirror before her. She barely recognises herself. Loki is lounging on her bed, he too is dressed up, some big party to celebrate North's return, Loki had warned that she was not ready for this, but their mother is persistent. The healers had also warned that North wasn't in the best place for a party. They went ignored as well. Heimdall knocks on the door frame, the door open a little, both North and Loki turn to him.

"Heimdall" Loki greets. North turns away from the mirror to face the doorway.

"Loki" Heimdall greets and then looks at North. "Eirlys" she cringes slightly at the use of her former name, but she has to get used to it. She's no longer North, on Asgard she is Eirlys. "I am to escort you" Heimdall tells her with a soft smile.

"Meaning no one else wanted to" Loki offers, Heimdall shoots him a look before turning back to North.

"I volunteered" Heimdall assures her. "Because I wanted the chance to apologise"

"Why?" North asks him. "What do you have to apologise for?"

"For are the years I could not find you" Heimdall answers. "I am supposed to be able to see all, but I could not see you, and all the hurt you suffered....will be forever on my conscience. I am truly sorry."

"It wasn't your fault" North assures him.

"Blame lies on the men who hurt her" Loki adds as he stands. "Not with you, or any of the others here...."

"Or you" North adds as she touches Loki's arm. He looks at her sadly, it is his fault, because he left her alone all those years ago. He should never have left her alone.

.................

Steve sleeps whilst Bucky stares out the window, curled up on the window seat, a blanket wrapped around him. He can't sleep. He feels bad. He feels terrible actually. Sleeping with North whilst under the control of Winter, and then there is Steve....Steve who'd do anything to make him happy, even when Bucky doesn't deserve it. He's putting Steve and North through hell, simply because he fell in love with two people. He sighs and sets his chin on his knees.

.................

North leans on the railing of her balcony overlooking Asgard. It is still beautiful. Even after all these years away. But it's not Earth, and part of her misses it. It was her home far longer than Asgard was. She looks down at her hands, clutching to the railing, the moonlight glistening off of gemmed rings and golden bracelets. She hates it. She knows people are suffering and she is here playing dress up with jewellery and fancy dresses. She grabs a handful of the dress skirt and lifts it up before turning and heading into the room. The walls icing over with her mood.