𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐋 - winter soldier.

y/n is feeling pouty and sympathetic to a man who is basically a monster

The long, dry car ride left me with my thoughts, which I needed to be with. The amount of time locked up with them had given me a weird, almost anxious side-effect of me needed to "leave" the outside to be in my own. But my recent confession with the Soldier left me thinking solely about him and only him.

Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to put aside himself? I know he's been forced to for years, but I was torn in pieces with my thoughts.

The sun had a few more hours to peek through the horizon, so I thought I'd get some sleep. There wasn't much luck with that idea. Instead, I started flipping through the buttons on the dash. I made sure not to touch anything I knew would cause trouble and any other buttons I knew already.

The Soldier had informed me that most didn't work without the key anyways.

I hesitated on the radio button. "Should I?" I asked the Soldier. He knew how this vehicle worked, or he made it seem that way with his little tabs of advice here and there. I could switch it on and it could alert HYDRA or something...

"Why not?"

I looked up the Soldier's face, his eyes staring at the road. One of my eyebrows raised in confusion. His statement just seemed...it just seemed--well, more human.

His eyes flicked to mine for a moment and then they returned back to the road.

I pressed the button in. A smooth click broke the awkward silence, then a soft hum began. I began to play with the radio to try and find a decent station and volume. Finally, I found a nice little station that started playing a soft song. The singer spoke in Russian, but he had such a nice voice and he sounded like he was telling a story.

"What's he saying--What's it about?" I said, pointing to the radio.

The Soldier flicked his eyes back to mine and to the road again. He shifted uncomfortably. "It's about two lovers, but they're hurting each other, yet they continue to stay with each other despite the pain."

The song ended with his words.

I nodded. "That's a pity..."

"What is?" he asked.

"How they couldn't work out even though they loved each other," I replied.

The sun was beginning to show itself proudly.

My thoughts started to bite at the silence that had rearisen. They hurt. They told the painful truth about the end of this when we would get to Moscow. How I would never be able to save him from HYDRA. They began to hurt my lungs and my throat. I wanted to save everyone such I was little and the one shot I got and I went and blew it!

A voice broke my concerns.

"Have-Have you ever be in love?" His voice was small and unsure.

I thought a moment about his words. I also thanked the Soldier mentally for saving me from my despaired thoughts. In my mind, I replayed my life and everyone in it. There was my family. There were my friends. There were my close friends. There were my crushes. And, then there were my lovers.

That list of lovers was a total of zero. Two boyfriends who had lasted two months at most. But I had never loved them.

"...no," I answered.

"And you?" I asked. I mentally face palmed myself. Why did I ask that? He has his memory renewed every few weeks, he'd never remember even if he had.

The Soldier inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, regret in my voice.

A long paused gutted out the vehicle.