Live, Laugh, Love [COMPLETE/PUBLISHED]

Chapter 10

I look at the words I wrote down and I think of the days that we had together. The times we spent laying outside watching the stars. Watching the clouds pass in the sky. We spent so much time thinking about the future and it's finally here, but you aren't.

How am I supposed to live without you?

I let you walk out that door and leave me behind.

I loved you.

I still love you, yet you walk out like anything that we ever had meant nothing.

You promised forever.

Why would you break that?

What did I do?

I watch you load up your suitcases into the trunk of your car. You get in and drive off into the distance leaving me standing there longing for your presence. Longing for you to tightly wrap me into your arms. Longing for you to tell me that everything is okay.

Where did the man that I fell in love with go?

What changed overnight?

I walked back inside and straight into the bathroom. I look in the mirror into the emptiness of my eyes. The dark rings that surround describing what I'm feeling without saying the words. The light that I once held onto was replaced by darkness.

He took it with him.

I grab a bottle from the cabinet and I open it and-

I gasp awake. Sweat drips down my face from my forehead. I grab my phone from my nightstand and I look at the time. 2 AM. I toss my phone back onto my nightstand and I get out of bed and walk into my bathroom. I splash some cold water on my face and I look at myself in the mirror.

Dark rings don't surround my eyes.

I may not have the brightest light in my eyes, but there isn't darkness.

"Ho bisogno di lui."

I hear a knock on my front door and I walk to it and open it.

"Can we talk?"

"Um, I guess, but what are you doing here at 2 in the morning?" I ask, wrapping my arms around my chest. It has been a couple of weeks since Levi got on us about our lunches. Jasper and I have lunch together all the time and we spend lots of time together. A lot more than I would like to admit.

"When I met you weeks ago, I didn't expect you to be on my mind 24/7, but you are. I never thought that I would get to see you again. I had even asked Rose to give me your contact info but she couldn't because you are her client. Then you showed up at work and you were the person I was always having to approve online data requests for. Levi never told me who you were, he just promised me that you were real. Then I met you and everything changed. You became the reason why I wanted to get out of bed in the morning. You became my reason why I wanted to go to work because I knew that I would see you there. You became my everything. I have been trying so hard to just be your friend, and believe me I tried, but I just can't anymore. I want something so much more than you can even imagine. I want to call you mine." My eyes widen at his words. He moves closer to me and leans down to meet my height. His hands cup my face and his eyes lock with mine.

"I want to be able to call you Lia." He leans down further and his lips meet mine.

A fire ignites in me and I never want to put it out. The world around me stops and it is just the two of us. I swear time stops and it may sound like I'm being cliche, but it feels like the big moment in any romance movie.

But then my dreary thoughts clouded this beautiful moment.

What if he is like everyone else? Every single person that has ever felt this way about me left. My parents. The couple who wanted to adopt me. My sister hasn't answered my messages for weeks. I can't break my heart anymore than I have. It is so much easier for me to step back and let myself break my heart, because the one who breaks it is the one who fixes it, right?

You are letting yourself down, Lia.

He doesn't deserve someone like me. I am a woman who is scared to death of love and attachments.

I am a woman who was left by her family and never wanted.

I am a woman who has fallen in love with this man and has to let him go.

I pull away from him and he looks at me with confusion.

"Is something wrong?" He asks. I push him away and walk back into my apartment.

"Lia, did I do something wrong?" He asks, closing the door.

"Jasper, whatever is happening here, can't," I say biting my lip.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that we can't happen."

"I love you, Lia. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"You can't love me, Jasper. Please just leave me alone."

"Give me one good reason why I can't love you, even though I do."

"You can't love someone who can't love you back."

"You can't or you won't?" I stare at him without giving an answer, but my eyes say enough. I want to scream at him that I love him, but I can't. I can't lose another person. I can't lose him, but he is going to leave now. I know it.

"Wow, Ophelia. I thought that you were different, but you are just like everyone. You can't see what is in front of you until you miss it." I start to walk towards him.

"Don't bother, I'll see myself out." He walks out the door and closes it with a slam. I collapse onto my knees and the tears that I have been holding back stream down onto my face.

I lost him and it's all my fault.

I love him.

He's gone.