S T E N D H A L •MYG•

•••

I can't kill this sorrow as long as I'm alive.

Depression were gnawing me away
But this time it drown me till my head
Till the point I couldn't breathe anymore.

This ocean took me to its darkness,
And I just let my body to get drown.

I knew what I did was wrong,
But I didn't know what's wrong with me,
I was born like this,
I'm sorry.
I didn't know what to do
Or what to say.

I was made like Hell and the Devil itself

And I didn't ask to be born.

I didn't ask for this pain.

I didn't ask to be a sinner like I was.

I was in pain because of myself.
It was me.
Again me.
And again,
It was me.

I get used to the shade of blue
And the weight in my back.
Darkness and pain became part of me,
Sadness did it too.

I'm still in love with the Moon,
She was the only one listening to every word I had to said.
She saw me in my bed hugging myself shedding tears in the ocean I was.
She gave me hope for a while.

I wasn't living,
I was just surviving,
Breathing and nothing more.

I didn't learn how to overcome things
But pain is pain.
I felt that I shouldn't say what I feel
I thought I bothered too much,
I felt no one cares,
and I felt that I couldn't be sad or angry
Because I had no right.
So I just gave up on everything
And things didn't matter to me anymore.
And the weight was heavier at that point.

I felt all they wanted to hear was "everything is pretty fine"
And I thought all they wanted to see was a smile on my face.
But why faking it?
Why do we always have to fake things?
I'm just as fake as you are.
Why faking a smile
When in your eyes will rain?

Smiling can be such a painful act that you can't imagine how it can destroy you.

It was easy to say end it.
It was hard to actually end it.
For me.
For you.

I wanted to run away.

Right.
I wanted to run away.

From myself.
From you.
From them...

I hated myself
And there was no doubt about.
People taught me to.
They made me think
And feel
That
That I was the bad one
And I deserved nothing.
I caged myself in a cave
Where there was nothing more than me
And everything was
Cold,
Dark,
Blue
And bigger than me.

They cut my wings
And I threw myself into the abyss
Knowing that the fall
Was going to be tragic.

And it was.

And I'm sorry.

Just tell me I did it well.

That I was worth it enough to shed tears for.